please?

bismillah. 

and so today i asked myself

after semua benda yang jadi

masih berbaloi ke for myself to stay? 

i am scared

to be hurt again 

to be treated as an option 

to be just emotionally broken again 

i am scared 

u promise to stay

but if i give u hard times, 

will u still care? 

will u still wanna be there? 

i wanna grow old with you

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i wanna be there for you through good or bad times 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i just wanna love u with all my heart 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

kalau ya, 

why do your heart still beats so fast

when you hear her name? 

dont go and break me again and again

coz you know, i already am. 

oh what a sad life i live in,

Syafika L.

Runaway,

Bismillah

The reason why i decided to do my kindda-solo trip to spain was because
i was broken hearted

Although, i broke up with the ex from nov 2013,
i still feel as if there's a missing piece in my life
and i need to do something about it to complete the puzzle

So i decided to travel.

First it was with the friends and family
I choose to run to different countries
surrounded with the people i love
just because i need some fresh air and them, abviously
I'm happy

But when i'm back home,
i still feel disconnected from the world
Lots of things running back and forth inside my mind
And i  decided to go out, started to date again and shit.

But that obviously doesnt make me happy
So i decided to do a trip without someone that i can cling to all the time
Just to get out from my comfort zone

Tapi God is great,
He let me met you.

And all of the sudden, life seems a bit too colorful
Until i got scared, i dont know how to handle it
But that makes me happy though

The fact that when ive met you,
I tend to love this travelling thingy a bit more
Just because i feel like there's someone here thats gonna miss me
And going back home with someone who cant wait to see you
Feels like home, get it?

And the next thing we know,
we plan our travel stuff together
and made it happen
That, makes me love travelling a bit more

Travelling are fun, especially with my families and friends
But with you,
it feels different

We did a lot of cool stuff together
And who wouldve thought that
I'm going to enjoy travelling with someone who is the opposite of me
Like TOTALLY different from me
but still, i am in love with travelling even more when im with you

Who wouldve thought that i'm going to enjoy
every bits of my vacations when it involves you in it

We argue,
Laughs and make fun of each other a tad too much
We annoys each other
We love
And we eat like we own the world.

Who wouldve thought that those simple things,
Like walking for almost 45 mins just to find taxi,
or  naik public transport yang sempit padat dan bau fishball,
can makes us happy?

Who wouldve thought that im gonna enjoy all of this,
with you?

Syafika L.

Why?

Bismillah.

As i'm writing this, i was too stressed out studying for exams
so i thought, why not ah kan update blog.


was reading the previous conversation on whatsapp the other day,
and i thought how lucky i am to have someone yang
despite how tired and sleepy he is, will wish me good morning and good night.
Walaupun dah tertidur, and woke up in the middle of the night, if he forgot to wish me good night before he falls asleep,
he will do it that time.

and i remember waking up, seeing those texts, makes me smile.

not a day goes by yang dia tak cakap sayang u.
and i thought, wow, he mustve been sayang me so much, huh? lol.
even time gaduh, and i know he have the urge of saying nasty stuff,
he ended up saying " we both need rest, i sayang u "

and i ended up feeling so... lucky.


those little things makes me loves you more.
thank you.

Syafika L.

Ups, something went wrong.

Bismillah.

I have to sit for my final tomorrow
But i cant seems to focus on my studies.
Dok baca takaful takaful, last last jadi beautiful
Macam mana? #hambar

Anyhow, as i'm sitting down next to the window inside my room,
sipping some hot milo,
I just feel like i need to write something
So here i am,
writing for me and you.

It's December now.
Funny how fast time flies kan?
And i dont even achieve my 2015 target
which is getting married
Macam mana weyh?

luckily, ada juga orang nak kat saya
mungkin boleh jadi resolusi next year untuk paksa dia datang meminang kan?
Paksa tau, sejenis gelojoh syafika ni. hahaha

Anyhow,
not that i want to brag about my dating life and shit,
but yeah,
ada sejenis perasaan dalam hati yang buat
semua benda ni jadi menakutkan

I dont like some of the conversation ive to went through with people i love
i dont mind people who just dont even care about sensetive issues that i feel
but it does bother me sometimes

Macam kita lalui satu nightmare
yang macam drama
dan ia back to back
so kita jadi takut nak tidur
sebab takut malam tu nightmare tu datang lagi
you feel me?

I dont want to go through what my mom went through before
I just feel like i dont have the strength to go through it

Even talking about it makes me weak,
walaupun its a joke or a sarcasm
apatah lagi kalau ive to go through it in real life

I am so scared
Haih.

Syafika L.

Small things

Bismillah.

i just want to write this one down
manalah tahu in case anything happen to me
jadi pelupa ke apa kan
i can read this and smile again
even if its hard for me to recall it
but at least i know i wrote this
and it happened

my boyfriend have OCD
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
which makes him a psycho

kidding. lol.

i know some (many actually) things really annoys him

how i dressed up
how i wear my tudung, my bag
how i just love to throw everything at the back of my car so i can hide em
bla bla bla
you get the idea.

the funny thing is that
although i know that
he's so annoyed by that
because he wants everything to be in order
in place bla bla bla

but
i didnt change
at all
although i know he wants me to
but i didnt

you wanna know why?

because i find it so cute
to have someone that will tarik benang terkeluar dari tudung
just because the tudung punya jahitan was messy
while talking to me
i didnt care about it, but he did

i find it so cute
to have someone that will tolong me betulkan my tali bag
sebab i dont even care kalau tali dia terpeleot ke apa ke
but he did
and he will fix it like thousands time
tapi i will like saja saja biar je tali tu terpeleot sebab
i like it when he fix it haha (kantoi)


and i find it so cute
to have someone to criticize how i look
what i wear and all
although i didnt give a f about it
but he did
and yeah i want him to do that
because at least i know he noticed the small stuff

i remember when i tinggalkan my car at his home
and when i'm back
the car was like super clean
when i open my bonet kereta
everything was well organized
in few boxes
and bags
hahahahaha

sheesh.

having him,
now,
makes me the happiest kid alive



i know this sounds cheesy
but i just want to remember the small things
just because
i love small things
that makes me smile whenever i think of it


ttyl 💋
Syafika L.

31/31

Bismillah.

First there was texting.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week,
And then texting, and random calls.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week, still.
And then minimum texting but phone calls.
And then minimum texing, less calls but once in a bluemoon video calls.
And then seeing each other more then three times per week.
And then texting, and no more calls.
And then less and less texting and bla bla bla.

Sustain,
I know it's hard keep the sparks alive
But why don't i feel bored of calling.
or tired of texting
or giving up to drive that far just to see you?

Why do i still feel excited whenever i wanna see u,
even if it's just for a 30 mins lunch time?

But why do i feel like you dont feel that way, anymore?

Yes, sayang, i feel the emotions,
i see the actions,
but it becoming less and less
and i'm scared that those feelings will lost along the way someday.

I see some of my friends who have been together for almost 4years now,
Seeing each other almost everyday,
But everytime he saw her, it's like he's currently seeing her for the first time again and again.
Those eyes, they aren't lying.

Is it that hard to keep the sparks?
Do I have to try harder?

Hello November,
I'm sorry i'm not excited for you
I'm sorry i'm a mess
Please hang in there
Promise i'll be better.


I'm just wondering,
Syafika L.

Last october.

Bismillah.

Dan hari ini adalah hari terakhir dalam bulan oktober.
Mungkin sebab penghujung oktober dah so semua benda dah berubah.
Mungkin semua manusia jadi manis sebab oktober was my birthday month,
so bila dah nak penghujung ni semua berubah jadi seperti sedia kala.

Atau sebab manusia memang cepat bosan?

Kenapalah Tuhan tak bagi perasaan mudah bosan tu kepada aku?
So aku tak perlu nak rasa macam ni
Tak perlu nak rasa bersungguh sungguh untuk semua perkara
Penat
Entahlah.

Kalau lah Tuhan tu bagi perasaan putus asa dan bosan tu pada seorang yang bernama Syafika
mesti aku tak rasa sucks macam ni sekarang
so aku pun boleh jadi heartless mcm orang lain
Yang layan aku baik hanya sebab Oktober was my birthday month.

Jangan tanya kenapa but yeah,
Syafika lama dah mati.


Bye,
Syafika L.