please?

bismillah. 

and so today i asked myself

after semua benda yang jadi

masih berbaloi ke for myself to stay? 

i am scared

to be hurt again 

to be treated as an option 

to be just emotionally broken again 

i am scared 

u promise to stay

but if i give u hard times, 

will u still care? 

will u still wanna be there? 

i wanna grow old with you

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i wanna be there for you through good or bad times 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i just wanna love u with all my heart 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

kalau ya, 

why do your heart still beats so fast

when you hear her name? 

dont go and break me again and again

coz you know, i already am. 

oh what a sad life i live in,

Syafika L.

Runaway,

Bismillah

The reason why i decided to do my kindda-solo trip to spain was because
i was broken hearted

Although, i broke up with the ex from nov 2013,
i still feel as if there's a missing piece in my life
and i need to do something about it to complete the puzzle

So i decided to travel.

First it was with the friends and family
I choose to run to different countries
surrounded with the people i love
just because i need some fresh air and them, abviously
I'm happy

But when i'm back home,
i still feel disconnected from the world
Lots of things running back and forth inside my mind
And i  decided to go out, started to date again and shit.

But that obviously doesnt make me happy
So i decided to do a trip without someone that i can cling to all the time
Just to get out from my comfort zone

Tapi God is great,
He let me met you.

And all of the sudden, life seems a bit too colorful
Until i got scared, i dont know how to handle it
But that makes me happy though

The fact that when ive met you,
I tend to love this travelling thingy a bit more
Just because i feel like there's someone here thats gonna miss me
And going back home with someone who cant wait to see you
Feels like home, get it?

And the next thing we know,
we plan our travel stuff together
and made it happen
That, makes me love travelling a bit more

Travelling are fun, especially with my families and friends
But with you,
it feels different

We did a lot of cool stuff together
And who wouldve thought that
I'm going to enjoy travelling with someone who is the opposite of me
Like TOTALLY different from me
but still, i am in love with travelling even more when im with you

Who wouldve thought that i'm going to enjoy
every bits of my vacations when it involves you in it

We argue,
Laughs and make fun of each other a tad too much
We annoys each other
We love
And we eat like we own the world.

Who wouldve thought that those simple things,
Like walking for almost 45 mins just to find taxi,
or  naik public transport yang sempit padat dan bau fishball,
can makes us happy?

Who wouldve thought that im gonna enjoy all of this,
with you?

Syafika L.

Why?

Bismillah.

As i'm writing this, i was too stressed out studying for exams
so i thought, why not ah kan update blog.


was reading the previous conversation on whatsapp the other day,
and i thought how lucky i am to have someone yang
despite how tired and sleepy he is, will wish me good morning and good night.
Walaupun dah tertidur, and woke up in the middle of the night, if he forgot to wish me good night before he falls asleep,
he will do it that time.

and i remember waking up, seeing those texts, makes me smile.

not a day goes by yang dia tak cakap sayang u.
and i thought, wow, he mustve been sayang me so much, huh? lol.
even time gaduh, and i know he have the urge of saying nasty stuff,
he ended up saying " we both need rest, i sayang u "

and i ended up feeling so... lucky.


those little things makes me loves you more.
thank you.

Syafika L.

Ups, something went wrong.

Bismillah.

I have to sit for my final tomorrow
But i cant seems to focus on my studies.
Dok baca takaful takaful, last last jadi beautiful
Macam mana? #hambar

Anyhow, as i'm sitting down next to the window inside my room,
sipping some hot milo,
I just feel like i need to write something
So here i am,
writing for me and you.

It's December now.
Funny how fast time flies kan?
And i dont even achieve my 2015 target
which is getting married
Macam mana weyh?

luckily, ada juga orang nak kat saya
mungkin boleh jadi resolusi next year untuk paksa dia datang meminang kan?
Paksa tau, sejenis gelojoh syafika ni. hahaha

Anyhow,
not that i want to brag about my dating life and shit,
but yeah,
ada sejenis perasaan dalam hati yang buat
semua benda ni jadi menakutkan

I dont like some of the conversation ive to went through with people i love
i dont mind people who just dont even care about sensetive issues that i feel
but it does bother me sometimes

Macam kita lalui satu nightmare
yang macam drama
dan ia back to back
so kita jadi takut nak tidur
sebab takut malam tu nightmare tu datang lagi
you feel me?

I dont want to go through what my mom went through before
I just feel like i dont have the strength to go through it

Even talking about it makes me weak,
walaupun its a joke or a sarcasm
apatah lagi kalau ive to go through it in real life

I am so scared
Haih.

Syafika L.

Small things

Bismillah.

i just want to write this one down
manalah tahu in case anything happen to me
jadi pelupa ke apa kan
i can read this and smile again
even if its hard for me to recall it
but at least i know i wrote this
and it happened

my boyfriend have OCD
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
which makes him a psycho

kidding. lol.

i know some (many actually) things really annoys him

how i dressed up
how i wear my tudung, my bag
how i just love to throw everything at the back of my car so i can hide em
bla bla bla
you get the idea.

the funny thing is that
although i know that
he's so annoyed by that
because he wants everything to be in order
in place bla bla bla

but
i didnt change
at all
although i know he wants me to
but i didnt

you wanna know why?

because i find it so cute
to have someone that will tarik benang terkeluar dari tudung
just because the tudung punya jahitan was messy
while talking to me
i didnt care about it, but he did

i find it so cute
to have someone that will tolong me betulkan my tali bag
sebab i dont even care kalau tali dia terpeleot ke apa ke
but he did
and he will fix it like thousands time
tapi i will like saja saja biar je tali tu terpeleot sebab
i like it when he fix it haha (kantoi)


and i find it so cute
to have someone to criticize how i look
what i wear and all
although i didnt give a f about it
but he did
and yeah i want him to do that
because at least i know he noticed the small stuff

i remember when i tinggalkan my car at his home
and when i'm back
the car was like super clean
when i open my bonet kereta
everything was well organized
in few boxes
and bags
hahahahaha

sheesh.

having him,
now,
makes me the happiest kid alive



i know this sounds cheesy
but i just want to remember the small things
just because
i love small things
that makes me smile whenever i think of it


ttyl 💋
Syafika L.

31/31

Bismillah.

First there was texting.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week,
And then texting, and random calls.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week, still.
And then minimum texting but phone calls.
And then minimum texing, less calls but once in a bluemoon video calls.
And then seeing each other more then three times per week.
And then texting, and no more calls.
And then less and less texting and bla bla bla.

Sustain,
I know it's hard keep the sparks alive
But why don't i feel bored of calling.
or tired of texting
or giving up to drive that far just to see you?

Why do i still feel excited whenever i wanna see u,
even if it's just for a 30 mins lunch time?

But why do i feel like you dont feel that way, anymore?

Yes, sayang, i feel the emotions,
i see the actions,
but it becoming less and less
and i'm scared that those feelings will lost along the way someday.

I see some of my friends who have been together for almost 4years now,
Seeing each other almost everyday,
But everytime he saw her, it's like he's currently seeing her for the first time again and again.
Those eyes, they aren't lying.

Is it that hard to keep the sparks?
Do I have to try harder?

Hello November,
I'm sorry i'm not excited for you
I'm sorry i'm a mess
Please hang in there
Promise i'll be better.


I'm just wondering,
Syafika L.

Last october.

Bismillah.

Dan hari ini adalah hari terakhir dalam bulan oktober.
Mungkin sebab penghujung oktober dah so semua benda dah berubah.
Mungkin semua manusia jadi manis sebab oktober was my birthday month,
so bila dah nak penghujung ni semua berubah jadi seperti sedia kala.

Atau sebab manusia memang cepat bosan?

Kenapalah Tuhan tak bagi perasaan mudah bosan tu kepada aku?
So aku tak perlu nak rasa macam ni
Tak perlu nak rasa bersungguh sungguh untuk semua perkara
Penat
Entahlah.

Kalau lah Tuhan tu bagi perasaan putus asa dan bosan tu pada seorang yang bernama Syafika
mesti aku tak rasa sucks macam ni sekarang
so aku pun boleh jadi heartless mcm orang lain
Yang layan aku baik hanya sebab Oktober was my birthday month.

Jangan tanya kenapa but yeah,
Syafika lama dah mati.


Bye,
Syafika L.

Syafika dua enam

Bismillah.

Now where do i start? 

I turned 26 on 19th of October 2015, which is yesterday. 

Like usual, i dont really like october and my birthday but this year, everything seems so different. 

I like october, oh wait, let me rephrase the word, 

I LOVE OCTOBER! 

Everything seems so perfect for october this year. Yes, still have my ups and downs, but for someone who doesn't really love to celebrate her birthday, i kindda cherish my birthday this year. 

Well, on 16th of october, mama dengan kakak datang dari johor untuk buat surprise sebab kan Johor cuti on friday and saturday, and my birthday is on Monday, so diorang buat advance celebration lah kononnya. 

It was so nice, semua keluar pakai pyjamas, nyanyi lagu happy birthday and i was so surprised, and terlompat lompat macam orang gila dan peluk mama. Sebab every year pun diorang bagi perfume, so i've told them not perfume this year. Demand kan? But, yeah. kesian diorang beli lepastu i didnt use it because i dont like the smell, so membazir. But still, mestilah simpan, sayang :) 

Mama bagi red wedges -_-" dengan note " semoga menjadi lebih wanita selepas ni " , K. Kakak and jiha bagi macam a potrait canvas eh apa ntah nama dia, so boleh lah gantung dalam bilik. Wawa bagi pandora with one cute pendant which suits me, yealah, i didnt wear silver stuff, so mcm dia pandai sebab dia belikan leather strap, so i surely wear punya lah.  No picture of the suspects sebab semua pakai baju tidur, sekian. hahaha

My delishyums birthday cake. 

So the night before my birthday, which is October 18th, F asked me to go dinner with him. We plan, i mean bukan we lah, he wanted to go to Seoul Garden sebab 50% off for the birthday girl ( coz we're cheapskate like that haha! ) So, okaylah. Layan je lah. 

Tapi apa yang menariknya adalah, kitorang dah plan nak makan since 9 years ago. yes, NINE, SEMBILAN TAHUN LEPAS. And this year, just before my birthday, kitorang baru pergi makan sama-sama. now, baru boleh cakap, how fast time flies! OMG! 

My handsome cutie patootie b....eef wrap. HAHAHA :P 

So sweet, siap buatkan beef wrap lah apa lah. Cair sekejap. So, kitorang makan cepat sebab nak kejar movie which is awesome sebenarnya movie tu tapi sebab seat dia tak comfortable, so dia macam spoil sikit ( ya Tuhan, mohon bersyukurlah sebuah Syafika ni -_-") And i think, F tertidur banyak kali jugak lah maybe because he's too tired sebab ada event dari pagi sampai petang. See, so sweet i cair some more. Cannot lah like this. 

And then, we went to Tasik Cyberjaya just to chill and talk sambil ditemani udara jerebu yang krik krik k thanks. hahaha 

I was sooooo overdressed that night while he just pakai a simple black t and short pastu selipar sekian terima kasih syafika nak pergi terjun bangunan sekarang. K. Benda tu adalah paling kelakar  dan memalukan sekali dan Syafika akan ingat mungkin sampai habis hayat dia ya pasal malam tu. K let's not even talk about it anymore. 

It was one of the sweetest birthday night ever, and i kindda like my birthday this year because of it. 

So, bila balik tu ingat dah habis lah tekanan jantung pada diri seorang syafika. Rupanya Fara datang dan bawa kek, siap belon dengan lilin ada lagu. Dah lah keluar dari dapur, nasib baik tak kena hempuk dengan kuali. hahaha But it was the sweetest. Oh have i ever tell you that i have the bestest godangg friend in the whole world? Yes, i am. 

That over-the-top-shine-bright-like-a-diamond red bag was given by milaf dan belon tu lah yang berdiri cantik je kat meja makan waktu cheq sampai rumah kenkonon surprise lah dari cikpah hahaha 

It was indeed a lovely day until one guy call me and cakap dia dari Gdex nak hantar barang. F ada beli barang which dia kata kemeja warna hijau yang dia beli online sebab nak pakai waktu concert Yuna tapi sebab "tersalah tengok information" katanya, baju tu sampai today lah. F selalu kat office so yeah i thought why not send it to my house since i'm always at home kan. 

Rupanya.... 

He send me a bouquet of flowers :) 

Tak payah lah cerita apa jadi but i was over the moon at that time okay. Siap whatsapp emosi " kenapa you buat i macam ni? " padahal dapat bunga kot. Syafika seorang emosi berpisah tiada. hahaha

I was so shocked, but happy kindda shocked sampai tak tahu nak react macam mana, i ended up crying. Sebab terharu okay, umur doplohnam baru dapat bunga. Urgh! So emosi. haha 

And that was the highlight of my day. 

The best thing that ever happened on 19th Oct 2015. 

Full stop. 

___________________________________________________________________________

Dearest F,

You're one of the best thing that God have given me this year. 

You gave me the most meaningful birthday present this year, which is your time, 

and your effort to make me happy, makes it even better. 

I love how you gave me your long sweet birthday wishes,

and the way you sang that kpop birthday song, man, no one can challenge that. HAHA 

Not to forget, that bouquet of flowers and the note , it's beautiful. 

I  love every bits of it. 

Thank you for making me love October this year. 

Sayang you, milaff. 

___________________________________________________________________________

" To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness " - Robert Brault .

Alhamdulillah. 

Lucky girl right here,

Syafika L. 

18/31

Bismillah.


Seorang syafika yang berumur 25tahun 11bulan dan 29 hari adalah
seorang manusia yang tak konsisten

I never thought that final year can be very tiring, dah almost lost count berapa banyak kali
balik kelas emosi nangis atas katil sebab study.
Susahnya.

But, selalunya aku nak sangat cepat habis belajar but with this kindda economy here
in Malaysia nak habis belajar cepat cepat pun, lepastu nak buat apa?

Yes, i have some sort of plans. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.
Dan kalau semua plan tak jadi, i'm gonna withdraw all my savings and travel the world,
malas nak fikir lah.

I was having a conversation with mak the other day,

Me : Do u plan ur future waktu kecik dulu, ma?
Ma : Yes, dari kecil mama memang nak jadi cikgu, nak masuk maktab was my aim at that time.
Me : And everything turned out to be the way you want it?
Ma : yes, minus the divorce.
Me : what if i dont have any plans? What if apa ika rancang tak jadi mcm mana ika nak? What if ika tak boleh bangga kan mama, tak jadi macam apa yang mama dengan ayah nak? What if ika tak boleh jadi a good example untuk adik adik? Ika grad umur ika almost 27, siapa je nak hire ika kerja? i dont have any experience in working industry, i dont have anything to offer, graduating from ipts with average cgpa je, macam mana ika nak hidup?
Ma : You think too much sometimes. Semua orang ada rezeki masing-masing, bezanya macam mana kita usaha. Mama dah happy tengok ika berubah banyak, even ika takut everything tak turn out to be the way you want it to be, just terus plan juga. By doing that, you will know what to do sooner or later. Jangan risau, ika kan suka figure out stuff, you'll figure out your life just like you always do. Worry less, do more. Doa banyak banyak moga Tuhan mudahkan.


Maybe i'm scared sebab dah nak 26 tahun but my life doesnt seems to fall to its places just yet. But yeah, life goes on. The clock is ticking. I just need to figure how to manage my mind and my life.

Messy world ahead.


Seorang syafika yang emosi,
Syafika L.

8/31

Bismillah

Takde masa sangat nak menulis sebab banyak sangat benda nak kena buat
kena baca kena tulis kena drive kena jalan kaki
and the list goes on and on

So kali ni, nak cerita pasal reality, which sometimes can be so much pain in the ass bebeh.

At the age of 26 (well, in a few weeks time) , my skin decided to breaks and
tumbuh segala mak nenek jerawat yang tak boleh dihuraikan dengan kata-kata

Untuk orang yang tak pernah atau tak selalu lah ada skin problem,
benda itu sangat menjengkelkan ye kawan-kawan

Anyhow, i was so stress. Pergi dekat tempat yang selalu facial pun akak tu cakap
" kenapa teruk sangat muka awak ni?"
Balik kampung, mak tegur " apa jadi dengan muka awak?"

Lepastu, rasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik to the point yang nak hold semester ah
sebab malu nak jumpa kawan-kawan.

Pastu rasa tak nak dating dengan pakwe sebab malu lah woi.
Tapi dating jugek walaupun jerawat bermaharajalela, so #overlyattachsyafika blergh.

Ada kata, sebab aku balik dari spain, so cuaca punya transition,
ada kata sebab hormon. Well, horms, why now? Why u do this to me now? why?

Entahlah.

So, for someone yang tak de skin problem sangat, make up was a big no no for me.
Tapi aku tak de masalah pun dengan orang yang pakai make up
Sendiri punya hal lah. Macam orang yang cucuk vitamin C untuk putih, atau bla bla.
Aku tak buat tapi aku takdelah sampai nak ejek orang yang buat
Tu masalah kau, yang rosak nanti badan sendiri.

Straight to the point, lepas muka berjerawat dan scar yang sangat teruk ni
I decided to put some make up on sebab self-esteem jatuh terjelepuk ah bila
orang cakap dengan kau tapi dia dok perati jerawat kat dahi kau
Aku pun try ah cover the shitz dengan bedak and what not just dekat problematic area je
Untuk menyembunyikan ia. But hey, it helps.

Although tak ah hilang, tapi dia dapatlah memalsukan muka buat sementara waktu
dan meningkatkan sikit self-esteem diri
dan mengelakkan kau orang memandang jerawat aku waktu aku bercakap dengan korang
sehingga perasaan di hati macam nak smack down je dahi korang tu
tapi yeah, it helps.

Bukan lah aku kata " sila lah make up kan diri anda dengan tebal untuk naik kan self-esteem"
No.
Semua orang cantik dengan sendirinya, even with or without make up
But hey, a lil make up just to boost ur confidence level wont hurt, no?

Sama macam kau yang dah pakai deodorant, tapi still nak sembur perfume sebotol kan?
Kau nak extra kick supaya confidence level kau naik. Centu ah.

Kesimpulan yang seorang syafika nak buat dari cakap panjang panjang ini adalah,
Buat lah apa pun asalkan korang happy.

Be it with or without make up, asalkan korang jadi diri sendiri tu yang penting, okay?


Jerawat-puff girl,
Syafika L.

1 / 31

Bismillah


so today, my day went well. Alhamdulillah.

one thing that make me sad today was artikel quality management kena reject.
sedih okay sebab dah halfway through tetiba lecturer kata she have to rejected it
sebab tak banyak quality problem dalam artikel tu
orang lain semua dah halfway through, while i myself need to start over.


BUT

three things that makes me happy today was

1. i found new article for quality management. problem solved cuma kena cepat sikit
lah sebab org lain semua dah halfway there. Tak pe you can do this syafika! 💪
2. makan sedap niari dengan some of ze classmates yang baik teman seorang syafika
mengidam nak beli tudung people dekat bangi gateaway. so a plus ah, makan sedap
dan dapat tudung. yay!
3. milaff being so sweet today :)

Alhamdulillah.

bila tulis ni rasa , wow banyak juga small things that make me happy today
lantas seorang syafika senyum sorang-sorang 😅


Hugs,
Syafika L.

October babies,

Bismillah.

Starting from october, i'm gonna try something new.
I will try to post things in ze blog much often,
even when i dont have anything to say.
Maybe some videos ke, kan

Why?
Because i want to try something new.

Everyday, i will try to list three thing that makes me happy.

By doing this, i will be more positive, inshaAllah
Yea lah, seeing more blessings that God gives me
rather than focusing on the negative one

Still ah, tak syafika lah kalau tak merungut.
Thus, i will list only one thing that really make me unhappy.
Bagi can lah, okay? haha

Because it's october, and most people know how i hate
october, but there's a few things that i'm looking forward to this month.

I hope october will be nice to me this year. Aamin.

Hugs and kisses.
Syafika L.

What you really do for a living?

Bismillah.

Tajuk takde kena mengena but yeah i feel like writing.
Although writing pun macam tak membantu apa apa
and there will be more people judging, including you.


it was hard to have someone for almost two years and out of the blue
he decided to ends it
but i'm happy for him, at least he's not as mess up as i am
but i learn a lot of things when i am single
even orang semua pun cakap about me being single (uncle , aunties bla bla)
I mean, yeah, because it's a trend now to get married young
Thus, i'm gonne be 26, in less then a month but still a mess

Yes, i have a sister that is currently 27 who doesnt seems to face
my problem because she's currently dating someone
So orang tak ah cakap sangat

i have been single for a year and a half
i date myself, not putting myself out there seems like a good idea,
i dont want to take any chances
But then, i sorta fall for someone who i didnt even imagine ah yang
dalam banyak banyak orang, i would fall for him
Amazing time i must say, it makes me feel special again
Always have something to look forward to
and someone to turn to incase i'm having a bad day or anything

But yeah, its true what they say,
not everyone's gonna be living happily ever after

So here I am, trying to figure me out again
By writing although people will judge me for this
But i guess i'm a writer,  i write
i cant run from it

I'm just an emotional jigsaw at the moment but i'm gonna piece myself up back together.
But don't be sad about me,
i am proud of myself, at least i took a chance
although it doesnt work out the way i thought it would be



Beautiful things will happen some day,
Syafika L.

i kindda miss this guy

Bismillah.

past few days, my life is like a wrecking ship.
i get mad, i am so sensetive about everything
i think too hard and i get so emotional

but the truth is,
i kindda miss my guy.

i know, i can just text him and tell him this
and he's going to hate me for writing this
but i'll write it anyway.

i miss
the guy who used to care about me
the guy who will always ask me " u sayang i tak, s? "
and everytime i asked him, he will say " sayang, sangat "
the things that he did was so random
and i love every seconds of it

i miss
the guy who listened to my insecurities
and promise me that he will try his best
until i've lost my insecurities
the guy who will always smile
when he saw me entering his car
the guy who will always complained about my perfume
but actually likes it

i miss
the guy who texted me random things or links
from facebook to youtube
because he's thinking about me
the guy who will always fight with me
about food that we ate for lunch or dinner
or who gets the best dessert.

i miss
the guy who wish me good morning
and good night
with a small hint like " mimpi i "
maybe to let me know that he miss me
i miss the guy who doesnt mind me saying
i miss him so many time through out the day
although i know that my clingyness can be annoying sometimes

i miss
his stupid jokes
his hambarness
his coolness
his sweetness with a slight ego
his patience
his laugh
his smiles
our small late night talks
our short drive away
our midnight movies
our horrible dinner that sometimes i choose

i miss that guy
i miss him a lot

i miss you.

Syafika L.

now tell me what's good?

to leave or to fight for this?

Syafika L.

#syafikatakesoverespana 1

Bismillah.

Jadi, kali ni, aku nak share cerita #syafikajalanjalan ke Espana *insert emoji girl dancing in red dress here* 

K. 

Aaaaanyhow, thank you to @ikat_team , @saudagaronline786 dan www.facebook.com/ikatmy kerana baik hati menaja sebiji gopro4 silver dan segala jenis mak nenek poll yang ada dalam dunia ni, tapi sebab nak travel, i choose to bring three way poll yang mana dia boleh masuk je dalam beg sebab boleh lipat tiga dan menjadi sangat kecil. Dia juga berfungsi sebagai monopod dan boleh bertukar menjadi tripod. How awesome is that? So silalah jenguk instagram diorang atau facebook page untuk maklumat lanjut. Sekian, iklan. 

Jadi, ni merupakan solo trip aku yang pertama. Tanpa mama dan keluarga *kesat air mata* Traumatized okay memula sebab almost two weeks juga di sana. But yeah, i survived. Alhamdulillah. 

So, i depart from KUL at 8pm naik Etihad Airways dan terus menuju ke Abu Dhabi. Perjalanan dalam 6jam 45 minit, maka tidurlah seorang syafika didalam plane tu sebab boring k flight lama-lama ni. Blergh. 

Sampai je dekat Abu Dhabi, ada wifi, so selamatlah kalian melepak di airport tu sebab aku kena transit lebih kurang 2 hours. But, airport dia banyak benda, surau bersih (tapi jangan lah tidur dalam surau,kesian orang nak sembahyang) dan toilet ada dalam surau tu senang korang nak kehulu kehilir melepaskan niat yang tertangguh. Heh. 

Lepastu, flight seterusnya adalah Abu Dhabi ke Dusseldorf, Germany. Naik Etihad jugak selama 7jam 5 minit. Kenapa berhenti kat situ? Entah lah. Tiket ni paling murah kot waktu tu dan bukan aku yang beli so bertabahlah seorang syafika. Hahaha Sampai je kat DUS, terus naik AirBerlin ke madrid. Airberlin ni lebih kurang macam Airasia, so faham-faham lah ye? Transit tak lama so macam tak sempat nak melilau dalam tu, but orang orang yang jaga keselamatan, imigresyen dia kebanyakan nya sangat ramah! :) 

Dusseldorf ke Madrid ambil masa lebih kurang 2jam 30 minit. So, sampai je kat airport, korang keluar je, takde lalu imigresyen dah sebab cop dah dapat waktu kat DUS lagi. 

Oh, sesiapa yang berminat nak beli simcard dia, belilah Lebaran punya sim. 10 Euro if i'm not mistaken with 2GB internet lepas korang subscribe data diorang lah. 2GB dia pun macam lama gila nak habis so, itu je dah memadai rasanya. #TIPS Pastikan ada internet so senang nak guna untuk waze, google maps dan yang sepatutnya je. Sampai hostel, pakai wifi yang disediakan okay? Yang nak roaming, pun boleh. Asalkan korang dah aktifkan dan pilih signal yang sync dengan korang punya line okay?

Lepastu, berjalan lah syafika menaiki metro train ke Apartmentos Good Stay Madrid. Apartment ni oklah,selesa. Ada kitchen, as in full kitchen siap microwave, peti sejuk apa semua. Satu apartment boleh muat 5 orang. Selesa! Toilet di dalam bilik. So, terjagalah privasi seorang muslimah. Hahaha Poyo gila. K. 

Apartment ni best sebab dekat dengan mini market, and makanan halal, and banyak lagi attractions dekat Madrid yang within walking distances (10-20mins of walking) . So, since i love walking so much, so i dont mind. Tapi pada korang yang nak naik metro, the nearest should be at Santa Domingo. So dari situ, korang boleh pergi ke mana sahaja korang nak. Tiket 1.6 Euro satu hala, kemana sahaja within the section lah. Kalau nak ke section 2, maybe mahal sikit. #TIPS Nak mudah tahu kat mana nak kena tukar lane metro, download metro station punya apps kat istore okay? :) 

Banyaknyaaaa nak tulis. Okay. 

DAY 1

So depart on 25th, sampai 26th of August at 1150am masa Madrid. Diorang lambat 6jam dari Malaysia. So, lepas dah check in, makan apa semua, refresh, keluarlah syafika berjalan jalan mencari tempat tempat best di Madrid. 

Puerto Del Sol

You can google about the place and apa information yang buat dia one of the must-go-place in Madrid. Dia macam bangunan je sebenarnya, bangunan lama tapi cantik. Banyak muda-mudi yang melepak kat situ dan banyak shopping place yang menarik macam Zara, Pull and Bear, Bershka dan sebagainya. Pada yang nak berjimat, sila kuatkan iman anda sepanjang berjalan menuju ke Puerto Del Sol, rasa tak kuat, sila pasang earphone dan dengar azan di telinga so korang ingat ini semua hanyalah dunia sementara. hahaha ok. Ada jugak orang buat tarian Flamenco tepi jalan. Yes, free je, macam street performance, kalau rasa nak derma duit, bagilah 1 Euro kat diorang, takde hal punya. oh time aku pergi 1 Euro = RM 4.9++ Thanks. 1 Malaysia! K. 

Museo Nasional del Prado 

Okay, muzium ni sebenarnya sesaja je lalu, and terlanjur time lalu tu memang dia bagi tiket free. So, seorang syafika gigih pun ambil tiket dan masuk ke dalam muzium tu. #TIPS pergilah time 6pm-8pm, time ni dia memang free entrance, ambil tiket je lepastu masuk. Pada yang minat art, masuklah sebab muzium ni besar dan ada arca lah lukisan lah dan memacam lagi. I went to the first room je dekat first floor selebihnya tak pergi sebab masa untuk free session nak habis kot masa tu, tak ingat lah. Muzium ni banyak lukisan pasal agama kristian, so, masuk je lah usya dengan niat nak tengok seni, okay? :) Oh, kalau pergi time berbayar kena 25 Euro so silalah darab dengan 5 dan fikir lah sendiri berbaloi tak masuk sekiranya berbayar. Hahahaha

Kat muzium ni banyak bangunan cecantik tapi kebanyakannya ada Cathedral. So, masuklah kalau nak. Oh ada few lagi muzium yang berdekatan dan ada juga bagi free entrance, so sesiapa yang berminat, mohonlah google okay? :)

Stairs ni jalan nak menuju ke Retiro Park dan waktu tu matahari macam cantiknya, so syafika kekonon nak artsy smartsy pun saja je nak tangkap gambar. Cantik kan? Obviously the sunset, not me. Durh. 

Retiro Park

Next, perjalanan diteruskan re Retiro Park. Cantik park ni dan sangat besar. Banyak orang jogging, bawa haiwan peliharaan jalan, dan piknik dekat sini. Open space, no entrance fees, banyak street performance juga kalau korang jalan kedalam dalam nya. 

Puerta de Alcala 

Waktu cari metro station nak balik, tak sengaja terlalu tempat ni. Cantik juga waktu malam , tapi kalau korang ada kesempatan nak jalan sini waktu siang, silalah okay? One of the must-visit place juga di Madrid ni :) 

Habislah day 1 #syafikajalanjalan di Madrid. Sebab dah panjang sangat ni, maka sambung day 2 dan seterusnya esoklah. Heh. 

Nak tengok gambar atau mini updates about my spain trip ni, pergilah kat insta dan cari #syafikatakesoverespana #syafikajalanjalan . Okay?

Hope this helps! 

Syafika L. 

4

Bismillah

The end of my spain trip and it was a blast.
Reached home, went for a wedding and a date.
Everything went perfectly blur ( because i was jet lagged )
But Alhamdulillah, i am so happy to see one of the person that i miss dearly.



To end the day, i have so many question about life while eating this chic strawberry ice cream,

1. Kenapa semua yang aku teka, betul?
2. Should i feel scared? Worried?
3. Why does people come and go so easily?
4. Why don't they appreciate things while it still there?
5. Why do people take things for granted?

I am so scared but i know, whatever i feel right now won't change my fate or whatever that God have written for me. I just need to have faith.

But, watching people leave, makes me scared that he would leave too.

What if his heart change all of the sudden?
What if he want his old crush back?
i didn't know him better than she does, so, why should he stay with me, kan?
I have soo many flaws, while she's so perfect from his eyes, so why should he choose me?

whatever that i do now, is it enough for him?
i am so scared, what if i get hurt again?
and that isn't easy to be cure.


should i stay, or give up?

Yours truly,
Syafika L.

3

Kehadapan my awesomely hambar F. 

i hope i have wifi there, and my roaming works so that i can still wish u good night or at least tell u that i miss u. Or better, i can skype u at least before i go to bed. #overlyattachedgfalert 

erghh kan best if we can travel together. or i can just pack you inside my luggage. that way, i dont have to miss you like i do, currently. k that sounds so wrong and creepy. Hahahaa

k, my point is, if i dont have any internet connection, i hope by the time u read this, u'll smile knowing that i am missing you, a lot. a lot more than the water in that indian ocean. k drama. 

anyhow, i dont know if things will change after this, like after i balik turkiye haritu but i hope it doesnt. i hope we stay this way, or be better for our own happiness. please dont turn out to be that cold rejecting F that's so annoying, i rasa nak sepak je. haha  

i wanna say those cheesy words like please stay this way yadda yadda yadda. i like your hambarness and your sweetness all in one, but to me and me alone. thanks. haha but, if you ever feel you're in that complicated zone again, please come and talk to me okay? 

one of my happiness is you (other than my family, of course) so, please know that i miss you and i pray that God will take great care of you like He always do. And i hope you'll miss me too. 

i miss you,  kekasih. 

i'll see u in two weeks okay? 

*virtual hugs* 

Love, 

Your S. 

2

Bismillah.

So dah lama aku tak menulis sebab aku rasa
takde sebab aku nak tulis
bukan sebab aku happy sentiasa
trust me, I've been through shitty stuff juga
tapi aku try untuk tak lepaskan
until tonight

Ramai kata aku ni dapat duit mudah, kaya bla bla bla. Contoh ;

" jadi kau senang ah, kaya, tulis lagu, dapat duit banyak "
" yea lah, kau kaya. aku miskin, aku sedar diri "
" kau banyak duit ika, aku tahu. aku ni miskin, mengemis "

Aku jenis kalau kau nak bahan aku apa pun,
aku tak kisah,
tapi bila sentuh bab bab ni aku sensetif sikit

A - kawan baik aku
J-  kawan sekali dalam group


A kena bahan dalam group, dia diam, so aku macam geram lah tengok J ni bahan dia gila babi, aku pun bahan dia, aku bahan sikit je, sekali dia nak bangkit macam macam.
 Aku macam, pehal? Aku ada cakap pasal duit harta benda semua ni ke?

Aku tak kisah pun selama ni kena bahan, dari bab belajar sampai bab cinta, aku okay je.
Selalu je diorang panggil aku loser, selalu kena tinggal dengan lelaki, anak dara tua semua.
Padahal benda tu sensitif jugak, tapi aku memang tak kisah. Asalkan jangan libatkan keluarga atau hal harta benda ni.

Jadi bila benda ni berbangkit, dan dia cakap ayat yang aku quote kat atas ni. Aku jadi panas, aku leave group.

Tapi, aku takde hal, whatsapp lagi minta maaf kalau aku ada kecilkan hati dia semua. Sekali dia reply " takpe ka, aku tahu kau banyak duit, aku ni dah biasa kena hina, aku ni memang miskin, nantilah aku kaya, aku bayar balik semua benda "

First of all, aku takde mengungkit pun pape benda aku buat untuk sesiapa. Dan aku takde bangkitkan isu duit ke harta ke apa ke. Aku tak faham kenapa kau nak kena cakap macam tu. Dua, kalau kau miskin pun, ada aku kisah ke selama ni? Kau nak tumpang kereta ke, nak duduk sebelah ke, aku ada cakap ' eh jangan, orang miskin tak leh duduk sebelah aku'  ADA?

Semua orang pun aku kawan. Korang makan bungkus tepi jalan pun aku duduk lepak sekali. Takde pun aku macam nak kasta kan semua benda. Jadi, aku terkilan.

Kedua, bagilah aku contoh apa yang senang dalam dunia ni? Kau kata aku dapat duit senang? Kau tahu tak aku pernah nangis kat sejadah minta maaf kat Tuhan sebab aku dah lama takde idea nak menulis? Kau tau tak aku pernah kunci diri aku dalam bilik tak keluar berhari hari sebab aku kecewa dan depress dengan diri sendiri sebab aku tak boleh menulis?

Kau tahu tak aku kena sengkang mata, drive kadang-kadang, kena deal dengan organizer yang kenkadang mencabar keimanan, tak masuk lagi kena tunggu macam orang bodoh, kena berdiri sepanjang event, berlari kesana kemari nak pastikan semua okay, kena pastikan semua benda dah settle baru aku boleh tidur dan selalunya aku tidur 2-3 pagi dan kena bangun awal esoknya untuk pergi tempat lain. Kau tahu tak penat dia macam mana kena ada kat tiga tempat dalam satu hari, kena berkejar, kena pastikan semua okay, kena marah lagi kalau ada yang tak kena, kau ingat semua tu senang?

Aku tak cukup tidur,  aku kena buat kerja dari sekuli-kuli sehingga lah ke peringkat boss punya kerja. Kau ingat mudah? Kau ingat duit datang bergolek turun dari langit macam tu? Dan kalau aku banyak duit, kenapa belajar kat universiti pun aku mohon pinjaman mara? lebih baik guna duit sendiri kan? tak yah nak semak kan otak aku dengan hutang segala.

Jom lah ikut aku pergi kerja. So far, ex boyfriend dengan adik aku paling kecil dah ikut dan diorang sendiri cakap " ingat senang korang punya kerja " sebab semua orang nampak yang keluar kat tv atau kat atas pentas tu je. Takde orang nampak kitorang kena keluar pukul 4 pagi, kena korbankan masa hujung minggu dengan keluarga atau tersayang, balik tetengah pagi tukar baju untuk gerak ke event seterusnya, tidur dekat rnr sebab tak larat nak drive, korang tak nampak tu semua.


Jadi tolonglah, aku sendiri pernah susah, sekarang pun aku takde lah senang mana, hutang keliling pinggang, tapi aku bersyukur sebab apa pun, walau kami kat rumah takde duit makan sardin pun, korang tak tau kan? Sebab bagi aku, tuhan bagi tu cukup untuk kita. Semuanya cukup. Kadang-kadang berlebih tu sebab itu rezeki orang lain  yang dimasukkan pada kita. So kena sentiasa beringat. Jadi, kenapa aku nak kena acah acah kaya sedangkan ni semua pinjaman? Aku pernah ada semua, dan aku pernah hilang semua, dan sekarang aku ada semua balik, aku nak jadi lupa daratan? Tolonglah.


Aku memang bengang. Sangat.


Syafika L.


(mungkin akan di delete but whatever)

1

Bismillah.

Refresh and restart.

Day one of "starting over" and the word that i want to share is patient.

Sabar ni susah sebenarnya
Sangat susah lagi lagi untuk seseorang yang tak berapa nak bersabar
Macam aku

Therefore, i want to start this over
because i want to learn how to be patient
and to not put high expectations in life
and by doing that, we will be happy
Not because we gave up our expectations
But because we are matured enough to know that
We can try everything that we can
Tapi kalau Tuhan kata bukan untuk kita
It won't happen pun no matter how hard we try

Therefore, i am taking this risk
Because i know
Even if i can't get what i want
At least it can teach me something that
I never thought i could do
For example, patient :)

I'm not saying that
You shouldn't have any expectations in life
Cuma, be matured enough to know how high it should be
Kalau rasa benda tu memang bukan dibawah bidang kuasa kita,
Lower your expectation, simple :)



" You must be patient. Even if the pains of waiting and wishing and praying tire you, be patient. Even when long periods of time pass by and others are blessed with what they've been praying for while you still wait, be patient. For Allah does not waste the effort of the doers of good. He delays His response only to hear you call to Him more. Be patient. For what awaits you is sweeter than the bitterness of longing "


Remember,
There's always a rainbow after the rain, kan?
Even if you don't get what you want,
at least, it taught you something.

Masa tak tunggu kita, dan tak boleh patah balik pun
don't you think that by being sad is just a waste of your time?


Be positive, love!
Syafika L.

10.21pm

Bismillah.

This might be the last post from me.
I might delete all my social media account after this.
Well, i deleted my FB and twitter.
All i have is you, and my instagram.

i know this is drastic.
But i feel so stupid!

I am hopeless.
I usually be there for someone who doesn't even want to
do the same for me.

I am just stupid.
I noticed everything but i let myself to be in this pain.

You gave so much to a person that you love
and to make sure that he knows everything's going to be okay

But, you know that
he won't do the same for you
because his heart isn't for you

Why do you make yourself like this, Syafika?
You know you won't get him
You know that it's not gonna end with a happy ending
But yet, you still want to stay


Why do you want to waste your time and energy
for someone that you know
won't even wipe your tears and be there for you when you need him?

Why?
Syafika L.

5.18am

Bismillah.

When do we know that we're ready?
how do we know that it's the best for ourself, our life?
How can we be so sure about something?


well, i dont have the answer for all that
Only God knows.


Lemme tell you a story.

i am never ready to wear hijab.
well that was what i thought before.
i always belief that hijab won't be a proof on how better you are as a muslim
get it?
i want to be ready physically and mentally if i really wanna wear it
because for me, hijab represents a muslim woman
that is moderate and sacred.

i cant do whatever i did when i was free hair
after i wear the hijab
thus, i feel like i'm not ready to leave my old fun life
i'm not ready to change my perspective and my act after i wear the hijab


and then my lecturer died.
i was so scared
i was lost
i dont even know what to do

and i ran to my sister, crying and asking her
why do i feel this way.
and i remembered she was saying about maybe i didnt take good care of myself
and i know she was referring about me not covering my aurat.

i told her i'm not ready for a drastic change,
i dont know if i'm ready to leave everything after i wear the hijab
and she told me this ;

" kak, we will never be ready for anything. tapi tak salah kalau we took the chances.
macam kita tak pernah bersedia untuk mati. esok lusa tuhan boleh ambil nyawa kita, kak.
tak kan kita nak cakap kat tuhan, Jap jap, aku tak sedia lagi. tak boleh. we just need to
prepare ourself to be ready to go back to him one day, make sure that we live our life
correctly so this life won't be a waste of time. so bila kita balik mengadap Dia nanti kita boleh
cakap, dear God, i did everything that u asked me to do, even if it's not my best, but at least i
gave it a try. sama juga dengan isu tudung ni. all of the excuses yang kakak buat ni is all in yourself.
you've made them. so why can't you break them? give it a try. tak semestinya kena drastik. but
you'll be a better version of yourself soon. '

and two days after that, i decided to wear the hijab. it was awkward for a 24years old girl, sebab
rasa macam lambatnya nak berubah.
but you know what, i took my chance. and i'm not ready pun waktu tu.

but i can feel that day by day, i'm trying my best to be a better version of myself.
i dont even know when i'll reach there but yang penting usaha.

therefore, what i'm trying to say is,
kita tak kan pernah sedia untuk apa-apa pun
tapi tak salah kalau kita cuba
kita akan sentiasa buat macam macam excuse bila kita tak bersedia
tapi kalau kita usaha, kita akan sampai juga.
yang penting usaha.
tu je.
yang lain, pabila masa Tuhan setuju,
Dia akan bantu.


sorry ah. aku tengah kusut.
tulisan pun merapu.
but i hope you get what i'm trying to say.


now, are we ready to take our chances
and make a change?

hugs and kisses,
Syafika L.

11.15pm

Bismillah.


Here is the truth ;

It's so hard to be in love with someone
who is in love with someone else

Blerghhhhh.


Selamat malam
Syafika L.

2.31am

Bismillah

I have so many things to write right now
But I know you (you-know-who-you-are-if-you-ever-read-this) would hate me if i do that

But tell me,
how am i suppose to let everythings out?
who or where can i share all my feelings with?

You can be so mean sometimes,
i dont even know whether u realize it or not
but i hate it when you do that


i fell in love with your broken, fucked up, beautiful soul,
but i dont know if that's good enough for you
because i am so tired of this chasing game
and you know i'm a quiter
and i am so tired
to the point where i feel like giving up

and i dont want to feel that way.


now tell me,
who am i to you?
Syafika L.

4.05am

Bismillah,

dear F,

i was so stress today.
so manu things happened and i was so mad about almost
everything

i wanted to tell you about it
but it seems like you're not interested to know about my life
while i was eager to know about your day

i know you're currently in a phase
where you're trying to fit in
to make yourself comfortable with having me inside your life

i wanted to be yours so bad
i wanted to tell you how's my day
what hurts me
what makes me happy
and what's bothering me

now tell me,
am i worth it?
if you think you're doing the right thing,
why do i have to weite this?
why do i feel like ive no one to talk to?

just like any other girls,
they want someone to share their problems and happiness,
why do i feel like i cant do that with you anymore?




i'm sorry if you feel mad because i wrote this
but sometimes, i need someone to talk to
and i dont feel like i have you to do that anymore


Help me,
Syafika L.

2.27 am

Bismillah


" she is a paradox
she is faithful and yet detached
she is committed and yet relaxed
she loves everyone and yet no one
she is sociable but also a loner
she is gentle and yet tough
she is passionate but can also be platonic
in short, she is predicatble in her predictability "



well, i am a strange girl,
hopelessly lost and terribly confused
whats wors, i think i may have fallen
madly in love with you



happy Eid,
Syafika L.

4.28am

Bismillah,

there are some nights
that i have to struggle
to make myself sleep

this insomnia shit is killing me

stranded on the bed
hoping that this eyes of mine can close
so i can be in the other world
the world of dreams where i am a wanderer
wandering around searching for happiness

but,

there are some nights
that i just decided to talk to God
when struggling to sleep seems too hard for this old body of mine


and that moment i realized,
i told God about you, a lot
then i cried.


Good night beautiful people,
Syafika L.

You,

Bismillah.


I am just in a phase where i don't even know what to write
or where to even start

I have tons of songs yang tertangguh.

Entah.

Mungkin penat,
Mungkin sesak,
Mungkin takut,
Mungkin writers block.

Tak tahulah.

Mungkin juga aku penat hidup dalam expectations orang sekeliling
Mungkin aku penat nak menulis
Mungkin aku dah takde perasaan

Entah.

Entri ini bukan untuk mengeluh
Jauh sekali nak bercerita betapa aku nak putus asa

Tapi,
nak cakap pasal impak harapan
Harapan yang aku ada dekat diri sendiri
Harapan yang orang sekeliling ada pada aku

Dan betapa kecewa nya aku bila aku sendiri rasa macam ni dekat diri aku

And you know what they say ;
" Hope : mankind's greatest strength and greatest weakness "




Cantik bulan malam ni, kan?
Selamat malam.

Syafika L.

Idle,

Bismillah.

I've been away from social media, and blogging for few days.
I miss writing.

Well, her i am writing,
just to remind you
that life is beautiful.

I've been staying on my bed for the past few days, struggling to even wake up.
Sleeping makes me calm, coz, at least i don't even think about anything at that time.

And then, tetiba rasa nak balik kampung, jumpa mak. I miss mak.

I was depress. But, few things really open my eyes.
Nanti ada masa, i'll share it with you.

Here's a memo,
If you're currently battling with something,
Please take it easy.
Dont do that to yourself.
Take a moment to breath.

Ni mak pesan kat aku before aku balik kl pagi tadi,

" you need to fix your relationship with God, and He will fix your relationship with human being. You don't need to be scared of losing someone, people leave, it's normal. Tapi Tuhan tak, percaya dengan semua ketentuan Dia, and He will take care of everything " 

And then it hit me. Selama ini aku menzalimi diri aku sendiri tanpa aku sedar. 

Aku selalu doa minta kat Dia kalau sesuatu itu baik untuk aku, dekatkan la, redhakan lah, mudahkan lah. Tapi kiranya ia memudaratkan aku dari segala segi, maka jauhkan lah, hindarkan lah. 

Dan bila sesuatu berlaku, contohnya, aku kehilangan sesuatu, aku jadi marah, sedih, tak boleh terima kenyataan sedangkan siapa tahu itu mungkin doa aku yang Tuhan kabulkan, Dia tarik balik sebab Dia tahu itu boleh memudaratkan aku. Kat sini aku sedar yang aku minta diselamatkan tapi bila diselamatkan aku nak hanyut balik, nak lemas semula. Faham tak?

Therefore, i will stop running away from everything. I don't want to question anything anymore. I will take it easy on myself, and nak belajar redha bukan dengan  mulut saja tapi dengan hati juga. Aku dah tak nak pertikaikan, tak nak persoalkan atau apa pun sebab aku tahu apa pun terjadi, semua tu ada hikmah. Dan Tuhan yang maha tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hamba-Nya. Biarlah kita kehilangan sesuatu sebab mungkin dengan kehilangan itu kita akan belajar menghargai lebih banyak lagi. 

Jadi, sebelum tidur, maafkan semua orang dengan harapan agar orang lain juga memaafkan dosa kita pada dia. Kalau sedang sedih, minta kat Dia untuk beri pertolongan untuk hilangkan rasa sedih, hiba, sayu, kehilangan yang ada dalam diri kita dan gantikan ia dengan perasaan tabah, sabar dan redha dengan segalanya kerana Dia maha tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita dan Dia adalah sebaik-baik perancang. 

Tahu, belajar untuk redha dengan mulut itu mudah. Dengan hati ni yang susah. InshaAllah, slow slow. Dan sekiranya pada bila-bila masa Allah setuju, kita akan rasa redha hati tu nanti :)

Selamat berjuang, 

Syafika L. 

hello world, i am broken, do u hear me?

Bismillah.


we always have that one person
that we go to to find comfort, kan?

well, this blog is my "that-one-person"
where i find my comfort.
where i escape and talk about everything
because at least i know this blog won't judge
this blog won't push me away


but, it seems like it wasn't my escape anymore
not a place where i can find that comfort again


do u know how it feels?
as if someone just took away that one person who actually
can listen to you, and know how you feels, and be there when
you cried yourself to sleep.

i didnt look at this blog
the same as i am this morning
and i dont even feel like writing anymore


u don't understand how writing helps me
to you, i write
because i want the world to know
how broken i am.


well, the world doesn't have to know anymore.
Syafika L.

Baru dua lima

Bismillah. 

A random post sebab rasa nak tulis. 

Aku rasa macam nak buat banyak benda baru. Paling latest aku rasa nak try adalah scuba diving. 

Been googling about the stuff niari, so rasa menarik nyaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

Walaupun aku dua puluh lima,

tapi aku rasa macam banyak benda aku belum cuba. 

Therefore, aku rasa nak pergi ambil lesen scuba. heh! 

Ada sesiapa yang ada pengalaman yang nak share sekali ke, silalah bantu ye. 

Anyhow, i am so excited for my Spain adventure on august. Tapi akhir bulan lah. Tu yang ingat

nak ambil scuba license awal bulan august, lepas habis exam. Release stress orang kata. 

Baru dua lima, stress menggunung. 

Nak jadi apa pun tak tahu. 

Anyhow, kepada semua yang rasa lost,

rasa sedih hiba dan sebagainya,

go do something crazy

Something yang kau sendiri tak expect kau boleh buat

As long as tak melanggar batas agama dah lah. heh! 😅 

Life is so much more rather then being sad about small stuff.

Macam aku, stress semorang nak kahwin, apa semua, aku je forever alone.

TAPI,

it doesnt mean yang i can't be happy

so, go, live life. 

And let go, especially things that makes you sad

Macam ex gf ke ex bf ke,

ada sebab kenapa diorang jadi "ex"

sebab ex tu dah expired dan tak relevant HAHA! 

and learn to forgive, 

you will see things differently when you start to forgive people.

oh ya, forgive yourself, tu yang paling utama. 

Kalau rasa sedih, terkutuk, hiba dan sebagainya,

Amek sejadah, Dia ada. Okay? 

Selamat malam. 

Syafika L. 

a girl and a boy

Assalamualaikum.

How do u know if he/she is the one?

The truth is, you will never know. 

But,

The chances or the steps that you've made that matters. 

If you want to be with someone, you will accept her the way she is, regardless of all the mistakes that she had done. 

This brings me to a story, about a girl and a boy.

They met each other at a very strange time of their life, and in the weirdest way anyone could ever think of (HAHA!) . From then on, they talked to each other almost every night. To her, he's the one that she will ran to , to find comfort. As they grew up, things change and everything just... stop.

But, they found each other again. They talked, shared everything all over again and, the feeling of comfort talking to each other was still there. But somehow, she's with someone else, and he's currently in love with someone else. And again, it stops there. 

After few years, this girl has broken up with his boyfriend. After  she went through some tough phase of her life, she started to live her life again. Even if it's only her against the world, she doesn't mind at all. 

One day, as she  scroll her newsfeed in her social media, she received a personal message from a guy. The same guy that she talked to almost every night 8years ago. She was so suprised.

And that's when, her life started to change. 

She started to laugh again, her eyes sparks, and butterflies flies in her tummy every now and then whenever his name appeared on her phone screen. 

Those comfort feelings that she felt 8 years ago, was still there. And she kept on asking God why she kept on bumping with him ? 

" Is he the one? " , she asked. 

One day, she found the guts to confess to him, but that was one of the biggest mistake she ever did in her life. She doesn't realized that those act will break her into pieces and make her cry herself to sleep all over again. 

and everything's change from then on, she knew everything won't be the same again. 

What happen next? The story is still on going. She leave everything to God, knowing that He knows what best for her. 

Kesimpulannya, 

We will never know if he/she is the one for us. Matter of fact, we will never know that every decision that we've made was the best for us. 

But, if everything makes sense when he/she is around, why don't you give it a try? If it turned out good, alhamdulillah. But if it doesn't, you're going to fall, breaks into pieces etc, but at least, you took your chances. And trust me, you're going to be okay again. 

Things happen for a reason, whether to break you or to make you stronger. Therefore, have faith. 

If u feel like crying now, go. U might think that you have lost your bestfriend, but hey, if you guys are destined to be bestfriend, you will always be regardless what happen before. 

I don't know whether this makes senses or not. Even my grammar doesn't makes sense for now. But i hope you get the idea. 

Keep on dreaming, 

Siapa tahu, it will eventually come true one day, inshaAllah.

Yours truly,

Syafika L. 

Have you ever..

Bismillah.

Have you ever like someone so much, but you can't do anything about it. 

Not because you don't have the guts to do so, but simply because you don't want to lose him. 

Have you ever been so comfortable with someone, when he simply changed, you just keep asking yourself what did you do wrong?

It hurts. I know. 

Hang in there. 

If he's worth the wait, then wait. 

If you think you can't, then move on.

Life is simple. 

You need someone to talk to, He's there. Always. 

Have faith.

Syafika L.