This,

Bismillah.

I have sooo many happy thing that i want to blog about but
I think i need to let this out first.

So, prepare yourself for a tantrum kindda post.
Because i'm about to drop one now.

MY BESTEST FRIEND IS GETTING ENGAGE!

i am happy, like sooo happy and mad at the same time.
Macam sorang lelaki tengah rampas kawan baik i dari i.
Which is annoying i know, and i should not feel that way
But hey, i am happy. Like seriously.

The thing is that,
we grew up too fast.
Last time, we were talking about how to get on a train and go to midvalley
To buy some instrument shit,
The next thing was me moving out from our flat, dropping out of music school,
Me getting into business school, figuring out my life by writing some music shit,
And her showcases, practicals, thesis, and alll of the cool shit
That we went through together.
GAHHHH. so many thing, and now, this engagement thingy.


I felt so left out.
I'm afraid that things wont be the same anymore.
Well i hope not.
But yeah, i feel so empty.
i was crying until i cant even cry anymore.
I am happy but this scares the shit out of me.

Things just wont be the same anymore.
And this feeling, it kills me.

Good night, world.
Syafika L.

Relate-shionship advice

Bismillah.

Kita semua pernah in a relationship kan?
Jangan tipulah. mesti pernah punya.
Zaman sekolah main cop tiang sesama, pastu suka.
Pakai kasut jenama bata sama, terus declare jadi boyfriend girlfriend.
Betul tak?
Tapi tu waktu sekolah lah. Mungkin muda lagi.

Sekarang dah dewasa.
Well, seorang syafika lah yang dah dewasa.
Aku merasakan yang relationship ni adalah sesuatu yang memenatkan.
Don't u think?

Penat sebab kita akan rasa insecure,
Penat sebab possibilities nak gaduh pasal benda kecil tu besar,
Penat sebab mungkin akan kena tipu,
Penat sebab mungkin akan bosan,
Penat sebab last last bercinta bagai nak rak lepastu kena tinggal.

Baca pun penat, kan?

Sebab tu kadang kadang aku sendiri susah nak commit.
Mungkin sebab dah banyak sangat dikecewakan. Mungkin lah.

Berdasarkan pengalaman dan observation aku sendiri,
Setiap hubungan pun, akan ada satu pihak yang rasa dia buat lebih dari satu lagi pihak.
Hey, that's a fact. Tak perlu nak indenial.

Tapi sebenarnya kita silap.

Takde siapa pun buat lebih untuk siapa siapa.
Takde siapa pun tahu had melebih lebih tu macam mana.
Sebab apa kita buat tu sebab kita sayang dan nak orang yang kita sayang happy.
Tu je.

Tapi mungkin kita rasa dia perlu usaha lebih sebab mungkin dia pernah buat silap.
Jadi we expect them to work more towards jadikan relationship ni lebih baik
sebab kita dah penat usaha dan akhirnya kita dikecewakan.
U know what i'm saying ?

It's not good sebenarnya, sebab dia macam revenge dalam expectations when niat kita
nak be in a relationship sendiri pun to be there for them through thick and thin, kan?

Tapi manusia, biasalah. Ada perasaan. Lagi-lagi bila dihancur deraikan tanpa alasan yang kukuh,
mestilah hampa, terkilan, sedih semua.

Lumrah.

Cumanya, kadang-kadang aku fikir, segala sakit yang korang tanggung tu,
akan bagi manis ke nanti?

Janji-janji ditabur saat dia mahu, kau rasa dia akan ingat ke bila-bila dia dah jumpa yang lagi baik?

Percayalah, mahu mana pun kita ingin dikejar bila dia buat silap, esok lusa kita yang akan berlari memahukan dia untuk kita walau sebenarnya layaknya kita bukan itu.

Akhirnya, yang usaha itu kita, yang merayu untuk tidak ditinggalkan itu kita, kerana kita sendiri tak mahu tahu apa rasa tanpa dia disisi nanti.

Naifnya wanita, masih lagi mahu percaya walau tahu yang pada bila-bila masa dia boleh pergi walau berapa banyak dia taburkan kita dengan janji.

Sebab kita sayang, sebab kita kasih, sebab kita mahu.

Sebab wanita ni bukan mudah putus asa. Lagi lagi dalam cinta.

Tapi sayang, yang tidak putus asa inilah yang selalu ditinggalkan di putus asakan oleh manusia yang bernama lelaki. Haih.

Ya tuhan,

Semoga nanti-nanti wanita wanita ini diberi lelaki yang mahu dan tahu bahawa dia layak untuk tidak diputus asakan. Dia layak untuk dijuangkan sebagaimana lelaki itu dijuangkan walaupun setelah dia tersilap langkah.

Aamin.



Cukuplah ya? Otak aku letih.
Syafika L.

i wonder

Bismillah.


Hey. Happy new year everyone.
Any new year resolution for 2016?
mine? same old same old.
nothing that's interesting or new.
but yeah, may Allah ease everything for us.


Anyhow, i was thinking about this lately
Well yesterday to be exact
Nope. last night to be really on point.

why do someone fall for each other?
is it because that's the only choice that they have?
because diorang takut at the end of the day takde siapa nak diorang?
or is it because saja saja je, sebab u have nothing to do at that moment

but dont u think it will hurt
your partner feelings knowing that
this is all are just lies,
they love you with all their hearts
and there you are giving hope to them
and going to destroy it sooner or later

k dah merepek.
malas nak fikir.

maybe i'm just scared
Syafika L.

please?

bismillah. 

and so today i asked myself

after semua benda yang jadi

masih berbaloi ke for myself to stay? 

i am scared

to be hurt again 

to be treated as an option 

to be just emotionally broken again 

i am scared 

u promise to stay

but if i give u hard times, 

will u still care? 

will u still wanna be there? 

i wanna grow old with you

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i wanna be there for you through good or bad times 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

i just wanna love u with all my heart 

tapi itu cukup ke untuk u? 

kalau ya, 

why do your heart still beats so fast

when you hear her name? 

dont go and break me again and again

coz you know, i already am. 

oh what a sad life i live in,

Syafika L.

Runaway,

Bismillah

The reason why i decided to do my kindda-solo trip to spain was because
i was broken hearted

Although, i broke up with the ex from nov 2013,
i still feel as if there's a missing piece in my life
and i need to do something about it to complete the puzzle

So i decided to travel.

First it was with the friends and family
I choose to run to different countries
surrounded with the people i love
just because i need some fresh air and them, abviously
I'm happy

But when i'm back home,
i still feel disconnected from the world
Lots of things running back and forth inside my mind
And i  decided to go out, started to date again and shit.

But that obviously doesnt make me happy
So i decided to do a trip without someone that i can cling to all the time
Just to get out from my comfort zone

Tapi God is great,
He let me met you.

And all of the sudden, life seems a bit too colorful
Until i got scared, i dont know how to handle it
But that makes me happy though

The fact that when ive met you,
I tend to love this travelling thingy a bit more
Just because i feel like there's someone here thats gonna miss me
And going back home with someone who cant wait to see you
Feels like home, get it?

And the next thing we know,
we plan our travel stuff together
and made it happen
That, makes me love travelling a bit more

Travelling are fun, especially with my families and friends
But with you,
it feels different

We did a lot of cool stuff together
And who wouldve thought that
I'm going to enjoy travelling with someone who is the opposite of me
Like TOTALLY different from me
but still, i am in love with travelling even more when im with you

Who wouldve thought that i'm going to enjoy
every bits of my vacations when it involves you in it

We argue,
Laughs and make fun of each other a tad too much
We annoys each other
We love
And we eat like we own the world.

Who wouldve thought that those simple things,
Like walking for almost 45 mins just to find taxi,
or  naik public transport yang sempit padat dan bau fishball,
can makes us happy?

Who wouldve thought that im gonna enjoy all of this,
with you?

Syafika L.

Why?

Bismillah.

As i'm writing this, i was too stressed out studying for exams
so i thought, why not ah kan update blog.


was reading the previous conversation on whatsapp the other day,
and i thought how lucky i am to have someone yang
despite how tired and sleepy he is, will wish me good morning and good night.
Walaupun dah tertidur, and woke up in the middle of the night, if he forgot to wish me good night before he falls asleep,
he will do it that time.

and i remember waking up, seeing those texts, makes me smile.

not a day goes by yang dia tak cakap sayang u.
and i thought, wow, he mustve been sayang me so much, huh? lol.
even time gaduh, and i know he have the urge of saying nasty stuff,
he ended up saying " we both need rest, i sayang u "

and i ended up feeling so... lucky.


those little things makes me loves you more.
thank you.

Syafika L.

Ups, something went wrong.

Bismillah.

I have to sit for my final tomorrow
But i cant seems to focus on my studies.
Dok baca takaful takaful, last last jadi beautiful
Macam mana? #hambar

Anyhow, as i'm sitting down next to the window inside my room,
sipping some hot milo,
I just feel like i need to write something
So here i am,
writing for me and you.

It's December now.
Funny how fast time flies kan?
And i dont even achieve my 2015 target
which is getting married
Macam mana weyh?

luckily, ada juga orang nak kat saya
mungkin boleh jadi resolusi next year untuk paksa dia datang meminang kan?
Paksa tau, sejenis gelojoh syafika ni. hahaha

Anyhow,
not that i want to brag about my dating life and shit,
but yeah,
ada sejenis perasaan dalam hati yang buat
semua benda ni jadi menakutkan

I dont like some of the conversation ive to went through with people i love
i dont mind people who just dont even care about sensetive issues that i feel
but it does bother me sometimes

Macam kita lalui satu nightmare
yang macam drama
dan ia back to back
so kita jadi takut nak tidur
sebab takut malam tu nightmare tu datang lagi
you feel me?

I dont want to go through what my mom went through before
I just feel like i dont have the strength to go through it

Even talking about it makes me weak,
walaupun its a joke or a sarcasm
apatah lagi kalau ive to go through it in real life

I am so scared
Haih.

Syafika L.