4.28am

Bismillah,

there are some nights
that i have to struggle
to make myself sleep

this insomnia shit is killing me

stranded on the bed
hoping that this eyes of mine can close
so i can be in the other world
the world of dreams where i am a wanderer
wandering around searching for happiness

but,

there are some nights
that i just decided to talk to God
when struggling to sleep seems too hard for this old body of mine


and that moment i realized,
i told God about you, a lot
then i cried.


Good night beautiful people,
Syafika L.

You,

Bismillah.


I am just in a phase where i don't even know what to write
or where to even start

I have tons of songs yang tertangguh.

Entah.

Mungkin penat,
Mungkin sesak,
Mungkin takut,
Mungkin writers block.

Tak tahulah.

Mungkin juga aku penat hidup dalam expectations orang sekeliling
Mungkin aku penat nak menulis
Mungkin aku dah takde perasaan

Entah.

Entri ini bukan untuk mengeluh
Jauh sekali nak bercerita betapa aku nak putus asa

Tapi,
nak cakap pasal impak harapan
Harapan yang aku ada dekat diri sendiri
Harapan yang orang sekeliling ada pada aku

Dan betapa kecewa nya aku bila aku sendiri rasa macam ni dekat diri aku

And you know what they say ;
" Hope : mankind's greatest strength and greatest weakness "




Cantik bulan malam ni, kan?
Selamat malam.

Syafika L.

Idle,

Bismillah.

I've been away from social media, and blogging for few days.
I miss writing.

Well, her i am writing,
just to remind you
that life is beautiful.

I've been staying on my bed for the past few days, struggling to even wake up.
Sleeping makes me calm, coz, at least i don't even think about anything at that time.

And then, tetiba rasa nak balik kampung, jumpa mak. I miss mak.

I was depress. But, few things really open my eyes.
Nanti ada masa, i'll share it with you.

Here's a memo,
If you're currently battling with something,
Please take it easy.
Dont do that to yourself.
Take a moment to breath.

Ni mak pesan kat aku before aku balik kl pagi tadi,

" you need to fix your relationship with God, and He will fix your relationship with human being. You don't need to be scared of losing someone, people leave, it's normal. Tapi Tuhan tak, percaya dengan semua ketentuan Dia, and He will take care of everything " 

And then it hit me. Selama ini aku menzalimi diri aku sendiri tanpa aku sedar. 

Aku selalu doa minta kat Dia kalau sesuatu itu baik untuk aku, dekatkan la, redhakan lah, mudahkan lah. Tapi kiranya ia memudaratkan aku dari segala segi, maka jauhkan lah, hindarkan lah. 

Dan bila sesuatu berlaku, contohnya, aku kehilangan sesuatu, aku jadi marah, sedih, tak boleh terima kenyataan sedangkan siapa tahu itu mungkin doa aku yang Tuhan kabulkan, Dia tarik balik sebab Dia tahu itu boleh memudaratkan aku. Kat sini aku sedar yang aku minta diselamatkan tapi bila diselamatkan aku nak hanyut balik, nak lemas semula. Faham tak?

Therefore, i will stop running away from everything. I don't want to question anything anymore. I will take it easy on myself, and nak belajar redha bukan dengan  mulut saja tapi dengan hati juga. Aku dah tak nak pertikaikan, tak nak persoalkan atau apa pun sebab aku tahu apa pun terjadi, semua tu ada hikmah. Dan Tuhan yang maha tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hamba-Nya. Biarlah kita kehilangan sesuatu sebab mungkin dengan kehilangan itu kita akan belajar menghargai lebih banyak lagi. 

Jadi, sebelum tidur, maafkan semua orang dengan harapan agar orang lain juga memaafkan dosa kita pada dia. Kalau sedang sedih, minta kat Dia untuk beri pertolongan untuk hilangkan rasa sedih, hiba, sayu, kehilangan yang ada dalam diri kita dan gantikan ia dengan perasaan tabah, sabar dan redha dengan segalanya kerana Dia maha tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita dan Dia adalah sebaik-baik perancang. 

Tahu, belajar untuk redha dengan mulut itu mudah. Dengan hati ni yang susah. InshaAllah, slow slow. Dan sekiranya pada bila-bila masa Allah setuju, kita akan rasa redha hati tu nanti :)

Selamat berjuang, 

Syafika L. 

hello world, i am broken, do u hear me?

Bismillah.


we always have that one person
that we go to to find comfort, kan?

well, this blog is my "that-one-person"
where i find my comfort.
where i escape and talk about everything
because at least i know this blog won't judge
this blog won't push me away


but, it seems like it wasn't my escape anymore
not a place where i can find that comfort again


do u know how it feels?
as if someone just took away that one person who actually
can listen to you, and know how you feels, and be there when
you cried yourself to sleep.

i didnt look at this blog
the same as i am this morning
and i dont even feel like writing anymore


u don't understand how writing helps me
to you, i write
because i want the world to know
how broken i am.


well, the world doesn't have to know anymore.
Syafika L.

Baru dua lima

Bismillah. 

A random post sebab rasa nak tulis. 

Aku rasa macam nak buat banyak benda baru. Paling latest aku rasa nak try adalah scuba diving. 

Been googling about the stuff niari, so rasa menarik nyaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

Walaupun aku dua puluh lima,

tapi aku rasa macam banyak benda aku belum cuba. 

Therefore, aku rasa nak pergi ambil lesen scuba. heh! 

Ada sesiapa yang ada pengalaman yang nak share sekali ke, silalah bantu ye. 

Anyhow, i am so excited for my Spain adventure on august. Tapi akhir bulan lah. Tu yang ingat

nak ambil scuba license awal bulan august, lepas habis exam. Release stress orang kata. 

Baru dua lima, stress menggunung. 

Nak jadi apa pun tak tahu. 

Anyhow, kepada semua yang rasa lost,

rasa sedih hiba dan sebagainya,

go do something crazy

Something yang kau sendiri tak expect kau boleh buat

As long as tak melanggar batas agama dah lah. heh! 😅 

Life is so much more rather then being sad about small stuff.

Macam aku, stress semorang nak kahwin, apa semua, aku je forever alone.

TAPI,

it doesnt mean yang i can't be happy

so, go, live life. 

And let go, especially things that makes you sad

Macam ex gf ke ex bf ke,

ada sebab kenapa diorang jadi "ex"

sebab ex tu dah expired dan tak relevant HAHA! 

and learn to forgive, 

you will see things differently when you start to forgive people.

oh ya, forgive yourself, tu yang paling utama. 

Kalau rasa sedih, terkutuk, hiba dan sebagainya,

Amek sejadah, Dia ada. Okay? 

Selamat malam. 

Syafika L. 

a girl and a boy

Assalamualaikum.

How do u know if he/she is the one?

The truth is, you will never know. 

But,

The chances or the steps that you've made that matters. 

If you want to be with someone, you will accept her the way she is, regardless of all the mistakes that she had done. 

This brings me to a story, about a girl and a boy.

They met each other at a very strange time of their life, and in the weirdest way anyone could ever think of (HAHA!) . From then on, they talked to each other almost every night. To her, he's the one that she will ran to , to find comfort. As they grew up, things change and everything just... stop.

But, they found each other again. They talked, shared everything all over again and, the feeling of comfort talking to each other was still there. But somehow, she's with someone else, and he's currently in love with someone else. And again, it stops there. 

After few years, this girl has broken up with his boyfriend. After  she went through some tough phase of her life, she started to live her life again. Even if it's only her against the world, she doesn't mind at all. 

One day, as she  scroll her newsfeed in her social media, she received a personal message from a guy. The same guy that she talked to almost every night 8years ago. She was so suprised.

And that's when, her life started to change. 

She started to laugh again, her eyes sparks, and butterflies flies in her tummy every now and then whenever his name appeared on her phone screen. 

Those comfort feelings that she felt 8 years ago, was still there. And she kept on asking God why she kept on bumping with him ? 

" Is he the one? " , she asked. 

One day, she found the guts to confess to him, but that was one of the biggest mistake she ever did in her life. She doesn't realized that those act will break her into pieces and make her cry herself to sleep all over again. 

and everything's change from then on, she knew everything won't be the same again. 

What happen next? The story is still on going. She leave everything to God, knowing that He knows what best for her. 

Kesimpulannya, 

We will never know if he/she is the one for us. Matter of fact, we will never know that every decision that we've made was the best for us. 

But, if everything makes sense when he/she is around, why don't you give it a try? If it turned out good, alhamdulillah. But if it doesn't, you're going to fall, breaks into pieces etc, but at least, you took your chances. And trust me, you're going to be okay again. 

Things happen for a reason, whether to break you or to make you stronger. Therefore, have faith. 

If u feel like crying now, go. U might think that you have lost your bestfriend, but hey, if you guys are destined to be bestfriend, you will always be regardless what happen before. 

I don't know whether this makes senses or not. Even my grammar doesn't makes sense for now. But i hope you get the idea. 

Keep on dreaming, 

Siapa tahu, it will eventually come true one day, inshaAllah.

Yours truly,

Syafika L. 

Have you ever..

Bismillah.

Have you ever like someone so much, but you can't do anything about it. 

Not because you don't have the guts to do so, but simply because you don't want to lose him. 

Have you ever been so comfortable with someone, when he simply changed, you just keep asking yourself what did you do wrong?

It hurts. I know. 

Hang in there. 

If he's worth the wait, then wait. 

If you think you can't, then move on.

Life is simple. 

You need someone to talk to, He's there. Always. 

Have faith.

Syafika L.