18/31

Bismillah.


Seorang syafika yang berumur 25tahun 11bulan dan 29 hari adalah
seorang manusia yang tak konsisten

I never thought that final year can be very tiring, dah almost lost count berapa banyak kali
balik kelas emosi nangis atas katil sebab study.
Susahnya.

But, selalunya aku nak sangat cepat habis belajar but with this kindda economy here
in Malaysia nak habis belajar cepat cepat pun, lepastu nak buat apa?

Yes, i have some sort of plans. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.
Dan kalau semua plan tak jadi, i'm gonna withdraw all my savings and travel the world,
malas nak fikir lah.

I was having a conversation with mak the other day,

Me : Do u plan ur future waktu kecik dulu, ma?
Ma : Yes, dari kecil mama memang nak jadi cikgu, nak masuk maktab was my aim at that time.
Me : And everything turned out to be the way you want it?
Ma : yes, minus the divorce.
Me : what if i dont have any plans? What if apa ika rancang tak jadi mcm mana ika nak? What if ika tak boleh bangga kan mama, tak jadi macam apa yang mama dengan ayah nak? What if ika tak boleh jadi a good example untuk adik adik? Ika grad umur ika almost 27, siapa je nak hire ika kerja? i dont have any experience in working industry, i dont have anything to offer, graduating from ipts with average cgpa je, macam mana ika nak hidup?
Ma : You think too much sometimes. Semua orang ada rezeki masing-masing, bezanya macam mana kita usaha. Mama dah happy tengok ika berubah banyak, even ika takut everything tak turn out to be the way you want it to be, just terus plan juga. By doing that, you will know what to do sooner or later. Jangan risau, ika kan suka figure out stuff, you'll figure out your life just like you always do. Worry less, do more. Doa banyak banyak moga Tuhan mudahkan.


Maybe i'm scared sebab dah nak 26 tahun but my life doesnt seems to fall to its places just yet. But yeah, life goes on. The clock is ticking. I just need to figure how to manage my mind and my life.

Messy world ahead.


Seorang syafika yang emosi,
Syafika L.

8/31

Bismillah

Takde masa sangat nak menulis sebab banyak sangat benda nak kena buat
kena baca kena tulis kena drive kena jalan kaki
and the list goes on and on

So kali ni, nak cerita pasal reality, which sometimes can be so much pain in the ass bebeh.

At the age of 26 (well, in a few weeks time) , my skin decided to breaks and
tumbuh segala mak nenek jerawat yang tak boleh dihuraikan dengan kata-kata

Untuk orang yang tak pernah atau tak selalu lah ada skin problem,
benda itu sangat menjengkelkan ye kawan-kawan

Anyhow, i was so stress. Pergi dekat tempat yang selalu facial pun akak tu cakap
" kenapa teruk sangat muka awak ni?"
Balik kampung, mak tegur " apa jadi dengan muka awak?"

Lepastu, rasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik to the point yang nak hold semester ah
sebab malu nak jumpa kawan-kawan.

Pastu rasa tak nak dating dengan pakwe sebab malu lah woi.
Tapi dating jugek walaupun jerawat bermaharajalela, so #overlyattachsyafika blergh.

Ada kata, sebab aku balik dari spain, so cuaca punya transition,
ada kata sebab hormon. Well, horms, why now? Why u do this to me now? why?

Entahlah.

So, for someone yang tak de skin problem sangat, make up was a big no no for me.
Tapi aku tak de masalah pun dengan orang yang pakai make up
Sendiri punya hal lah. Macam orang yang cucuk vitamin C untuk putih, atau bla bla.
Aku tak buat tapi aku takdelah sampai nak ejek orang yang buat
Tu masalah kau, yang rosak nanti badan sendiri.

Straight to the point, lepas muka berjerawat dan scar yang sangat teruk ni
I decided to put some make up on sebab self-esteem jatuh terjelepuk ah bila
orang cakap dengan kau tapi dia dok perati jerawat kat dahi kau
Aku pun try ah cover the shitz dengan bedak and what not just dekat problematic area je
Untuk menyembunyikan ia. But hey, it helps.

Although tak ah hilang, tapi dia dapatlah memalsukan muka buat sementara waktu
dan meningkatkan sikit self-esteem diri
dan mengelakkan kau orang memandang jerawat aku waktu aku bercakap dengan korang
sehingga perasaan di hati macam nak smack down je dahi korang tu
tapi yeah, it helps.

Bukan lah aku kata " sila lah make up kan diri anda dengan tebal untuk naik kan self-esteem"
No.
Semua orang cantik dengan sendirinya, even with or without make up
But hey, a lil make up just to boost ur confidence level wont hurt, no?

Sama macam kau yang dah pakai deodorant, tapi still nak sembur perfume sebotol kan?
Kau nak extra kick supaya confidence level kau naik. Centu ah.

Kesimpulan yang seorang syafika nak buat dari cakap panjang panjang ini adalah,
Buat lah apa pun asalkan korang happy.

Be it with or without make up, asalkan korang jadi diri sendiri tu yang penting, okay?


Jerawat-puff girl,
Syafika L.

1 / 31

Bismillah


so today, my day went well. Alhamdulillah.

one thing that make me sad today was artikel quality management kena reject.
sedih okay sebab dah halfway through tetiba lecturer kata she have to rejected it
sebab tak banyak quality problem dalam artikel tu
orang lain semua dah halfway through, while i myself need to start over.


BUT

three things that makes me happy today was

1. i found new article for quality management. problem solved cuma kena cepat sikit
lah sebab org lain semua dah halfway there. Tak pe you can do this syafika! 💪
2. makan sedap niari dengan some of ze classmates yang baik teman seorang syafika
mengidam nak beli tudung people dekat bangi gateaway. so a plus ah, makan sedap
dan dapat tudung. yay!
3. milaff being so sweet today :)

Alhamdulillah.

bila tulis ni rasa , wow banyak juga small things that make me happy today
lantas seorang syafika senyum sorang-sorang 😅


Hugs,
Syafika L.

October babies,

Bismillah.

Starting from october, i'm gonna try something new.
I will try to post things in ze blog much often,
even when i dont have anything to say.
Maybe some videos ke, kan

Why?
Because i want to try something new.

Everyday, i will try to list three thing that makes me happy.

By doing this, i will be more positive, inshaAllah
Yea lah, seeing more blessings that God gives me
rather than focusing on the negative one

Still ah, tak syafika lah kalau tak merungut.
Thus, i will list only one thing that really make me unhappy.
Bagi can lah, okay? haha

Because it's october, and most people know how i hate
october, but there's a few things that i'm looking forward to this month.

I hope october will be nice to me this year. Aamin.

Hugs and kisses.
Syafika L.

What you really do for a living?

Bismillah.

Tajuk takde kena mengena but yeah i feel like writing.
Although writing pun macam tak membantu apa apa
and there will be more people judging, including you.


it was hard to have someone for almost two years and out of the blue
he decided to ends it
but i'm happy for him, at least he's not as mess up as i am
but i learn a lot of things when i am single
even orang semua pun cakap about me being single (uncle , aunties bla bla)
I mean, yeah, because it's a trend now to get married young
Thus, i'm gonne be 26, in less then a month but still a mess

Yes, i have a sister that is currently 27 who doesnt seems to face
my problem because she's currently dating someone
So orang tak ah cakap sangat

i have been single for a year and a half
i date myself, not putting myself out there seems like a good idea,
i dont want to take any chances
But then, i sorta fall for someone who i didnt even imagine ah yang
dalam banyak banyak orang, i would fall for him
Amazing time i must say, it makes me feel special again
Always have something to look forward to
and someone to turn to incase i'm having a bad day or anything

But yeah, its true what they say,
not everyone's gonna be living happily ever after

So here I am, trying to figure me out again
By writing although people will judge me for this
But i guess i'm a writer,  i write
i cant run from it

I'm just an emotional jigsaw at the moment but i'm gonna piece myself up back together.
But don't be sad about me,
i am proud of myself, at least i took a chance
although it doesnt work out the way i thought it would be



Beautiful things will happen some day,
Syafika L.

i kindda miss this guy

Bismillah.

past few days, my life is like a wrecking ship.
i get mad, i am so sensetive about everything
i think too hard and i get so emotional

but the truth is,
i kindda miss my guy.

i know, i can just text him and tell him this
and he's going to hate me for writing this
but i'll write it anyway.

i miss
the guy who used to care about me
the guy who will always ask me " u sayang i tak, s? "
and everytime i asked him, he will say " sayang, sangat "
the things that he did was so random
and i love every seconds of it

i miss
the guy who listened to my insecurities
and promise me that he will try his best
until i've lost my insecurities
the guy who will always smile
when he saw me entering his car
the guy who will always complained about my perfume
but actually likes it

i miss
the guy who texted me random things or links
from facebook to youtube
because he's thinking about me
the guy who will always fight with me
about food that we ate for lunch or dinner
or who gets the best dessert.

i miss
the guy who wish me good morning
and good night
with a small hint like " mimpi i "
maybe to let me know that he miss me
i miss the guy who doesnt mind me saying
i miss him so many time through out the day
although i know that my clingyness can be annoying sometimes

i miss
his stupid jokes
his hambarness
his coolness
his sweetness with a slight ego
his patience
his laugh
his smiles
our small late night talks
our short drive away
our midnight movies
our horrible dinner that sometimes i choose

i miss that guy
i miss him a lot

i miss you.

Syafika L.

now tell me what's good?

to leave or to fight for this?

Syafika L.