Hello beautiful.

Assalamualaikum.



Aku ni bukan seorang yang stabil, in any ways. especially dari segi emosi.

So I feel like writing today, just because.



Do you ever feel like there's a day yang kau rasa you really want your old life back? Pernah tak rasa macam tu?

I do.

And today i decided to go down the memory lane.

It was hard, looking at some pictures, reminiscing the feelings knowing that everything is different now. It was hard.

I am trying as hard as I can to just move on and be as normal as I can be, but everything seems to fall apart. I am lost.



I hope i found myself again.


Love,
S.

#roadtokahwin part 1

Bismillah.

I know i know... it's been a while.
Life took over so yeah, no blogging time for me (yay!)

well, a lot had happened since the last time i blogged.

And tetiba ke dah #roadtokahwin.
Well, lama lagi sebenarnya but i juts feel like writing my feelings
and experienced down in this blog so bebila emosi boleh reminiscing balik (kahkahkah!)

No, i am not getting married dalam masa terdekat ni
But yes, getting married for sure. Doa-doakanlah dipermudahkan okay?

Today, baru settle kursus pra-perkahwinan.
Took us almost 13hours listening to the talk and attending the seminar
And alhamdulillah, we survived.

It was a fun-but-depends situation lah sebab ada penceramah yang best,
ada yang macam boring sikit, but still okay lah.
Banyak juga input dapat, and some inside jokes we made along the way.

Ada juga rasa macam " eh betul ke apa aku buat ni? "
But then again, i feel like this is the right thing to do.

Macam ustaz tu kata tadi, tanya diri kita, apa niat kita nak kahwin.


So..... apa niat kita nak kahwin?

Catat lagi nanti,
Syafika L.

10 years.

bismillah.


It's been awhile. I have so many things to blog about
But i dont have enough time
Well, maybe i do.. But too lazy lah kot. Heh.

Anyhow, its been 10 years now.
The first time i talked to F, it was 2006.

It was all about who i dated, relationship advices
Which i dont even know why i asked him in the first place
Since dia punya love life pun takde lah awesome mana (at that time lah, sekarang u date me, so that makes your love life much awesomer  hehe )
BUT..... After tons of losing and finding each other again and again
We're officially dating... After 9 effing years.

And only God knows what's next for us.

Pray for the best, inshaAllah.

I can't believe i dated you, F.
I can't believe i took 9 years to realize that
I should ngorat you
But oh well, at least you dont have to
Date the miserable me ( or maybe i am, still)
And i'm wiser now (oh you wish :p )

But i love you. With all my heart. Semoga tuhan setuju.

Doa doa kan lah.
Syafika L.

Sad

Bismillah.


And that moment, when u started to switch off your phone
When we fight

That was the time that i knew
That this won't last
You will start running away
Everytime we fight

And everytime,
I will fall asleep crying
Trying to find ways to contact u
Without knowing how worried i am
That ure going to leave me
And everything won't be the same when i wake up

That moment i realize
Ive lost you
You will never be the same

You will never be that F again
The one who stays and not running away
And told me tHat " we're going through this together "

You're not mine anymore.

May life treats you good.
syafika L.

This,

Bismillah.

I have sooo many happy thing that i want to blog about but
I think i need to let this out first.

So, prepare yourself for a tantrum kindda post.
Because i'm about to drop one now.

MY BESTEST FRIEND IS GETTING ENGAGE!

i am happy, like sooo happy and mad at the same time.
Macam sorang lelaki tengah rampas kawan baik i dari i.
Which is annoying i know, and i should not feel that way
But hey, i am happy. Like seriously.

The thing is that,
we grew up too fast.
Last time, we were talking about how to get on a train and go to midvalley
To buy some instrument shit,
The next thing was me moving out from our flat, dropping out of music school,
Me getting into business school, figuring out my life by writing some music shit,
And her showcases, practicals, thesis, and alll of the cool shit
That we went through together.
GAHHHH. so many thing, and now, this engagement thingy.


I felt so left out.
I'm afraid that things wont be the same anymore.
Well i hope not.
But yeah, i feel so empty.
i was crying until i cant even cry anymore.
I am happy but this scares the shit out of me.

Things just wont be the same anymore.
And this feeling, it kills me.

Good night, world.
Syafika L.

Relate-shionship advice

Bismillah.

Kita semua pernah in a relationship kan?
Jangan tipulah. mesti pernah punya.
Zaman sekolah main cop tiang sesama, pastu suka.
Pakai kasut jenama bata sama, terus declare jadi boyfriend girlfriend.
Betul tak?
Tapi tu waktu sekolah lah. Mungkin muda lagi.

Sekarang dah dewasa.
Well, seorang syafika lah yang dah dewasa.
Aku merasakan yang relationship ni adalah sesuatu yang memenatkan.
Don't u think?

Penat sebab kita akan rasa insecure,
Penat sebab possibilities nak gaduh pasal benda kecil tu besar,
Penat sebab mungkin akan kena tipu,
Penat sebab mungkin akan bosan,
Penat sebab last last bercinta bagai nak rak lepastu kena tinggal.

Baca pun penat, kan?

Sebab tu kadang kadang aku sendiri susah nak commit.
Mungkin sebab dah banyak sangat dikecewakan. Mungkin lah.

Berdasarkan pengalaman dan observation aku sendiri,
Setiap hubungan pun, akan ada satu pihak yang rasa dia buat lebih dari satu lagi pihak.
Hey, that's a fact. Tak perlu nak indenial.

Tapi sebenarnya kita silap.

Takde siapa pun buat lebih untuk siapa siapa.
Takde siapa pun tahu had melebih lebih tu macam mana.
Sebab apa kita buat tu sebab kita sayang dan nak orang yang kita sayang happy.
Tu je.

Tapi mungkin kita rasa dia perlu usaha lebih sebab mungkin dia pernah buat silap.
Jadi we expect them to work more towards jadikan relationship ni lebih baik
sebab kita dah penat usaha dan akhirnya kita dikecewakan.
U know what i'm saying ?

It's not good sebenarnya, sebab dia macam revenge dalam expectations when niat kita
nak be in a relationship sendiri pun to be there for them through thick and thin, kan?

Tapi manusia, biasalah. Ada perasaan. Lagi-lagi bila dihancur deraikan tanpa alasan yang kukuh,
mestilah hampa, terkilan, sedih semua.

Lumrah.

Cumanya, kadang-kadang aku fikir, segala sakit yang korang tanggung tu,
akan bagi manis ke nanti?

Janji-janji ditabur saat dia mahu, kau rasa dia akan ingat ke bila-bila dia dah jumpa yang lagi baik?

Percayalah, mahu mana pun kita ingin dikejar bila dia buat silap, esok lusa kita yang akan berlari memahukan dia untuk kita walau sebenarnya layaknya kita bukan itu.

Akhirnya, yang usaha itu kita, yang merayu untuk tidak ditinggalkan itu kita, kerana kita sendiri tak mahu tahu apa rasa tanpa dia disisi nanti.

Naifnya wanita, masih lagi mahu percaya walau tahu yang pada bila-bila masa dia boleh pergi walau berapa banyak dia taburkan kita dengan janji.

Sebab kita sayang, sebab kita kasih, sebab kita mahu.

Sebab wanita ni bukan mudah putus asa. Lagi lagi dalam cinta.

Tapi sayang, yang tidak putus asa inilah yang selalu ditinggalkan di putus asakan oleh manusia yang bernama lelaki. Haih.

Ya tuhan,

Semoga nanti-nanti wanita wanita ini diberi lelaki yang mahu dan tahu bahawa dia layak untuk tidak diputus asakan. Dia layak untuk dijuangkan sebagaimana lelaki itu dijuangkan walaupun setelah dia tersilap langkah.

Aamin.



Cukuplah ya? Otak aku letih.
Syafika L.

i wonder

Bismillah.


Hey. Happy new year everyone.
Any new year resolution for 2016?
mine? same old same old.
nothing that's interesting or new.
but yeah, may Allah ease everything for us.


Anyhow, i was thinking about this lately
Well yesterday to be exact
Nope. last night to be really on point.

why do someone fall for each other?
is it because that's the only choice that they have?
because diorang takut at the end of the day takde siapa nak diorang?
or is it because saja saja je, sebab u have nothing to do at that moment

but dont u think it will hurt
your partner feelings knowing that
this is all are just lies,
they love you with all their hearts
and there you are giving hope to them
and going to destroy it sooner or later

k dah merepek.
malas nak fikir.

maybe i'm just scared
Syafika L.