5.18am

Bismillah.

When do we know that we're ready?
how do we know that it's the best for ourself, our life?
How can we be so sure about something?


well, i dont have the answer for all that
Only God knows.


Lemme tell you a story.

i am never ready to wear hijab.
well that was what i thought before.
i always belief that hijab won't be a proof on how better you are as a muslim
get it?
i want to be ready physically and mentally if i really wanna wear it
because for me, hijab represents a muslim woman
that is moderate and sacred.

i cant do whatever i did when i was free hair
after i wear the hijab
thus, i feel like i'm not ready to leave my old fun life
i'm not ready to change my perspective and my act after i wear the hijab


and then my lecturer died.
i was so scared
i was lost
i dont even know what to do

and i ran to my sister, crying and asking her
why do i feel this way.
and i remembered she was saying about maybe i didnt take good care of myself
and i know she was referring about me not covering my aurat.

i told her i'm not ready for a drastic change,
i dont know if i'm ready to leave everything after i wear the hijab
and she told me this ;

" kak, we will never be ready for anything. tapi tak salah kalau we took the chances.
macam kita tak pernah bersedia untuk mati. esok lusa tuhan boleh ambil nyawa kita, kak.
tak kan kita nak cakap kat tuhan, Jap jap, aku tak sedia lagi. tak boleh. we just need to
prepare ourself to be ready to go back to him one day, make sure that we live our life
correctly so this life won't be a waste of time. so bila kita balik mengadap Dia nanti kita boleh
cakap, dear God, i did everything that u asked me to do, even if it's not my best, but at least i
gave it a try. sama juga dengan isu tudung ni. all of the excuses yang kakak buat ni is all in yourself.
you've made them. so why can't you break them? give it a try. tak semestinya kena drastik. but
you'll be a better version of yourself soon. '

and two days after that, i decided to wear the hijab. it was awkward for a 24years old girl, sebab
rasa macam lambatnya nak berubah.
but you know what, i took my chance. and i'm not ready pun waktu tu.

but i can feel that day by day, i'm trying my best to be a better version of myself.
i dont even know when i'll reach there but yang penting usaha.

therefore, what i'm trying to say is,
kita tak kan pernah sedia untuk apa-apa pun
tapi tak salah kalau kita cuba
kita akan sentiasa buat macam macam excuse bila kita tak bersedia
tapi kalau kita usaha, kita akan sampai juga.
yang penting usaha.
tu je.
yang lain, pabila masa Tuhan setuju,
Dia akan bantu.


sorry ah. aku tengah kusut.
tulisan pun merapu.
but i hope you get what i'm trying to say.


now, are we ready to take our chances
and make a change?

hugs and kisses,
Syafika L.