Bismillah..
It's been awhile.
Actually, I experienced writers blocked. Its scary. I've been through this tough time for the past.. i dont know.. 3 years. And it depressed me. To not be able to write, although i feel like one. To not be able to express, when I have tons of emotions to let out.
I am sad. Scared. And honestly... dying.
I have never been this scared. I wish I can turn back time. I wish life was as easy when I was young.
Living freely was my aim. And that's what I strived for, before.
Never thought that I made a decision that will forever change my life. And i am still in a stage to adapt but finding to a dark and blank point where I feel like giving up.
Life is hard. I find it hard to adjust me in my life now. Get it?
I know you don't.
But my heart ache... everytime I think what can I possibly do in order to get my life back.
My heart ache... everytime I think about the past more than I think about the future now.
My heart ache.. more than everything i could think of that can possibly hurt me.
My heart ache.. so bad.. I feel like crying.
I miss me, my vitamin S.
Write again soon, inshaAllah.
Syafika L.
Friday, 30 June 2017
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
Bismillah..
It's been awhile, but you know what... I'M MARRIEDDD!!!!!
Banyak benda jadi while I plan the wedding.
Will get into details on my next post... if I have time lah.
But as for now,
I just want to share with you guys that I am officially someone's wife.
A Mrs. for God Sake!! OMG!
Surreal, everything is just surreal.
Till then,
MRS. FL (SL saja gediks 👯)
TR's HQ 6th April 20172.15pm
Tuesday, 10 January 2017
Patah.
Bismillah.
You know, the struggle of being in love is hard.
and the struggle when you broke up is even harder.
Kau rasa kau ada needs to prove to everyone yang you're the good person in the relationship,
it's not you who makes this mess all over again, dan kau rasa takut gila sebab kau rasa semua orang
perhati kau dan label kau, lagi-lagi bila you're somebody.
Aku kena harungi benda tu juga.
Waktu aku broke up dulu, aku rasa aku ada needs to let everyone knows that it's not my fault alone.
That guy makes mistakes too. I mean, ,come on, who doesnt, right?
Dan setelah aku berusaha utk clarify kat semua orang, aku jadi letih. Sama macam letihnya aku lari
setiap kali aku putus cinta dulu. Dia mcm lari yang takde penghujung dan buat kau rasa kalau kau stay kat satu tempat kau tak safe anymore.
So aku stop jadi this psycho girl, yang rasa the needs to clarify to everyone apa aku buat for the relationship etc. Aku stop. Dan aku pilih untuk diam.
And as time goes by, aku masih rasa sakit bila aku dengar orang cakap aku lah yang jahat tu, aku lah
yang buat relationship tu tak jadi.
But you know what, this time around aku tak nak clarify, and aku bukan tulis blog ni sebab aku nak beritahu semua apa jadi, tapi aku jak beritahu pada semua yang mengalami masalah macam aku ;
" Silence is gold "
Let them talk. You just do your job and prove that you worth more than what they think you are.
Enjoy life. Travel more. And be happy.
Mana tahu jodoh korang yang betul ada dekat tepi?
Catat lagi nanti,
SL
You know, the struggle of being in love is hard.
and the struggle when you broke up is even harder.
Kau rasa kau ada needs to prove to everyone yang you're the good person in the relationship,
it's not you who makes this mess all over again, dan kau rasa takut gila sebab kau rasa semua orang
perhati kau dan label kau, lagi-lagi bila you're somebody.
Aku kena harungi benda tu juga.
Waktu aku broke up dulu, aku rasa aku ada needs to let everyone knows that it's not my fault alone.
That guy makes mistakes too. I mean, ,come on, who doesnt, right?
Dan setelah aku berusaha utk clarify kat semua orang, aku jadi letih. Sama macam letihnya aku lari
setiap kali aku putus cinta dulu. Dia mcm lari yang takde penghujung dan buat kau rasa kalau kau stay kat satu tempat kau tak safe anymore.
So aku stop jadi this psycho girl, yang rasa the needs to clarify to everyone apa aku buat for the relationship etc. Aku stop. Dan aku pilih untuk diam.
And as time goes by, aku masih rasa sakit bila aku dengar orang cakap aku lah yang jahat tu, aku lah
yang buat relationship tu tak jadi.
But you know what, this time around aku tak nak clarify, and aku bukan tulis blog ni sebab aku nak beritahu semua apa jadi, tapi aku jak beritahu pada semua yang mengalami masalah macam aku ;
" Silence is gold "
Let them talk. You just do your job and prove that you worth more than what they think you are.
Enjoy life. Travel more. And be happy.
Mana tahu jodoh korang yang betul ada dekat tepi?
Catat lagi nanti,
SL
Friday, 12 August 2016
Hello beautiful.
Assalamualaikum.
Aku ni bukan seorang yang stabil, in any ways. especially dari segi emosi.
So I feel like writing today, just because.
Do you ever feel like there's a day yang kau rasa you really want your old life back? Pernah tak rasa macam tu?
I do.
And today i decided to go down the memory lane.
It was hard, looking at some pictures, reminiscing the feelings knowing that everything is different now. It was hard.
I am trying as hard as I can to just move on and be as normal as I can be, but everything seems to fall apart. I am lost.
I hope i found myself again.
Love,
S.
Aku ni bukan seorang yang stabil, in any ways. especially dari segi emosi.
So I feel like writing today, just because.
Do you ever feel like there's a day yang kau rasa you really want your old life back? Pernah tak rasa macam tu?
I do.
And today i decided to go down the memory lane.
It was hard, looking at some pictures, reminiscing the feelings knowing that everything is different now. It was hard.
I am trying as hard as I can to just move on and be as normal as I can be, but everything seems to fall apart. I am lost.
I hope i found myself again.
Love,
S.
Sunday, 1 May 2016
#roadtokahwin part 1
Bismillah.
I know i know... it's been a while.
Life took over so yeah, no blogging time for me (yay!)
well, a lot had happened since the last time i blogged.
And tetiba ke dah #roadtokahwin.
Well, lama lagi sebenarnya but i juts feel like writing my feelings
and experienced down in this blog so bebila emosi boleh reminiscing balik (kahkahkah!)
No, i am not getting married dalam masa terdekat ni
But yes, getting married for sure. Doa-doakanlah dipermudahkan okay?
Today, baru settle kursus pra-perkahwinan.
Took us almost 13hours listening to the talk and attending the seminar
And alhamdulillah, we survived.
It was a fun-but-depends situation lah sebab ada penceramah yang best,
ada yang macam boring sikit, but still okay lah.
Banyak juga input dapat, and some inside jokes we made along the way.
Ada juga rasa macam " eh betul ke apa aku buat ni? "
But then again, i feel like this is the right thing to do.
Macam ustaz tu kata tadi, tanya diri kita, apa niat kita nak kahwin.
So..... apa niat kita nak kahwin?
Catat lagi nanti,
Syafika L.
I know i know... it's been a while.
Life took over so yeah, no blogging time for me (yay!)
well, a lot had happened since the last time i blogged.
And tetiba ke dah #roadtokahwin.
Well, lama lagi sebenarnya but i juts feel like writing my feelings
and experienced down in this blog so bebila emosi boleh reminiscing balik (kahkahkah!)
No, i am not getting married dalam masa terdekat ni
But yes, getting married for sure. Doa-doakanlah dipermudahkan okay?
Today, baru settle kursus pra-perkahwinan.
Took us almost 13hours listening to the talk and attending the seminar
And alhamdulillah, we survived.
It was a fun-but-depends situation lah sebab ada penceramah yang best,
ada yang macam boring sikit, but still okay lah.
Banyak juga input dapat, and some inside jokes we made along the way.
Ada juga rasa macam " eh betul ke apa aku buat ni? "
But then again, i feel like this is the right thing to do.
Macam ustaz tu kata tadi, tanya diri kita, apa niat kita nak kahwin.
So..... apa niat kita nak kahwin?
Catat lagi nanti,
Syafika L.
Sunday, 13 March 2016
10 years.
bismillah.
It's been awhile. I have so many things to blog about
But i dont have enough time
Well, maybe i do.. But too lazy lah kot. Heh.
Anyhow, its been 10 years now.
The first time i talked to F, it was 2006.
It was all about who i dated, relationship advices
Which i dont even know why i asked him in the first place
Since dia punya love life pun takde lah awesome mana (at that time lah, sekarang u date me, so that makes your love life much awesomer hehe )
BUT..... After tons of losing and finding each other again and again
We're officially dating... After 9 effing years.
And only God knows what's next for us.
Pray for the best, inshaAllah.
I can't believe i dated you, F.
I can't believe i took 9 years to realize that
I should ngorat you
But oh well, at least you dont have to
Date the miserable me ( or maybe i am, still)
And i'm wiser now (oh you wish :p )
But i love you. With all my heart. Semoga tuhan setuju.
Doa doa kan lah.
Syafika L.
It's been awhile. I have so many things to blog about
But i dont have enough time
Well, maybe i do.. But too lazy lah kot. Heh.
Anyhow, its been 10 years now.
The first time i talked to F, it was 2006.
It was all about who i dated, relationship advices
Which i dont even know why i asked him in the first place
Since dia punya love life pun takde lah awesome mana (at that time lah, sekarang u date me, so that makes your love life much awesomer hehe )
BUT..... After tons of losing and finding each other again and again
We're officially dating... After 9 effing years.
And only God knows what's next for us.
Pray for the best, inshaAllah.
I can't believe i dated you, F.
I can't believe i took 9 years to realize that
I should ngorat you
But oh well, at least you dont have to
Date the miserable me ( or maybe i am, still)
And i'm wiser now (oh you wish :p )
But i love you. With all my heart. Semoga tuhan setuju.
Doa doa kan lah.
Syafika L.
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
Sad
Bismillah.
And that moment, when u started to switch off your phone
When we fight
That was the time that i knew
That this won't last
You will start running away
Everytime we fight
And everytime,
I will fall asleep crying
Trying to find ways to contact u
Without knowing how worried i am
That ure going to leave me
And everything won't be the same when i wake up
That moment i realize
Ive lost you
You will never be the same
You will never be that F again
The one who stays and not running away
And told me tHat " we're going through this together "
You're not mine anymore.
May life treats you good.
syafika L.
And that moment, when u started to switch off your phone
When we fight
That was the time that i knew
That this won't last
You will start running away
Everytime we fight
And everytime,
I will fall asleep crying
Trying to find ways to contact u
Without knowing how worried i am
That ure going to leave me
And everything won't be the same when i wake up
That moment i realize
Ive lost you
You will never be the same
You will never be that F again
The one who stays and not running away
And told me tHat " we're going through this together "
You're not mine anymore.
May life treats you good.
syafika L.
Tuesday, 19 January 2016
This,
Bismillah.
I have sooo many happy thing that i want to blog about but
I think i need to let this out first.
So, prepare yourself for a tantrum kindda post.
Because i'm about to drop one now.
MY BESTEST FRIEND IS GETTING ENGAGE!
i am happy, like sooo happy and mad at the same time.
Macam sorang lelaki tengah rampas kawan baik i dari i.
Which is annoying i know, and i should not feel that way
But hey, i am happy. Like seriously.
The thing is that,
we grew up too fast.
Last time, we were talking about how to get on a train and go to midvalley
To buy some instrument shit,
The next thing was me moving out from our flat, dropping out of music school,
Me getting into business school, figuring out my life by writing some music shit,
And her showcases, practicals, thesis, and alll of the cool shit
That we went through together.
GAHHHH. so many thing, and now, this engagement thingy.
I felt so left out.
I'm afraid that things wont be the same anymore.
Well i hope not.
But yeah, i feel so empty.
i was crying until i cant even cry anymore.
I am happy but this scares the shit out of me.
Things just wont be the same anymore.
And this feeling, it kills me.
Good night, world.
Syafika L.
I have sooo many happy thing that i want to blog about but
I think i need to let this out first.
So, prepare yourself for a tantrum kindda post.
Because i'm about to drop one now.
MY BESTEST FRIEND IS GETTING ENGAGE!
i am happy, like sooo happy and mad at the same time.
Macam sorang lelaki tengah rampas kawan baik i dari i.
Which is annoying i know, and i should not feel that way
But hey, i am happy. Like seriously.
The thing is that,
we grew up too fast.
Last time, we were talking about how to get on a train and go to midvalley
To buy some instrument shit,
The next thing was me moving out from our flat, dropping out of music school,
Me getting into business school, figuring out my life by writing some music shit,
And her showcases, practicals, thesis, and alll of the cool shit
That we went through together.
GAHHHH. so many thing, and now, this engagement thingy.
I felt so left out.
I'm afraid that things wont be the same anymore.
Well i hope not.
But yeah, i feel so empty.
i was crying until i cant even cry anymore.
I am happy but this scares the shit out of me.
Things just wont be the same anymore.
And this feeling, it kills me.
Good night, world.
Syafika L.
Tuesday, 12 January 2016
Relate-shionship advice
Bismillah.
Kita semua pernah in a relationship kan?
Jangan tipulah. mesti pernah punya.
Zaman sekolah main cop tiang sesama, pastu suka.
Pakai kasut jenama bata sama, terus declare jadi boyfriend girlfriend.
Betul tak?
Tapi tu waktu sekolah lah. Mungkin muda lagi.
Sekarang dah dewasa.
Well, seorang syafika lah yang dah dewasa.
Aku merasakan yang relationship ni adalah sesuatu yang memenatkan.
Don't u think?
Penat sebab kita akan rasa insecure,
Penat sebab possibilities nak gaduh pasal benda kecil tu besar,
Penat sebab mungkin akan kena tipu,
Penat sebab mungkin akan bosan,
Penat sebab last last bercinta bagai nak rak lepastu kena tinggal.
Baca pun penat, kan?
Sebab tu kadang kadang aku sendiri susah nak commit.
Mungkin sebab dah banyak sangat dikecewakan. Mungkin lah.
Berdasarkan pengalaman dan observation aku sendiri,
Setiap hubungan pun, akan ada satu pihak yang rasa dia buat lebih dari satu lagi pihak.
Hey, that's a fact. Tak perlu nak indenial.
Tapi sebenarnya kita silap.
Takde siapa pun buat lebih untuk siapa siapa.
Takde siapa pun tahu had melebih lebih tu macam mana.
Sebab apa kita buat tu sebab kita sayang dan nak orang yang kita sayang happy.
Tu je.
Tapi mungkin kita rasa dia perlu usaha lebih sebab mungkin dia pernah buat silap.
Jadi we expect them to work more towards jadikan relationship ni lebih baik
sebab kita dah penat usaha dan akhirnya kita dikecewakan.
U know what i'm saying ?
It's not good sebenarnya, sebab dia macam revenge dalam expectations when niat kita
nak be in a relationship sendiri pun to be there for them through thick and thin, kan?
Tapi manusia, biasalah. Ada perasaan. Lagi-lagi bila dihancur deraikan tanpa alasan yang kukuh,
mestilah hampa, terkilan, sedih semua.
Lumrah.
Cumanya, kadang-kadang aku fikir, segala sakit yang korang tanggung tu,
akan bagi manis ke nanti?
Janji-janji ditabur saat dia mahu, kau rasa dia akan ingat ke bila-bila dia dah jumpa yang lagi baik?
Percayalah, mahu mana pun kita ingin dikejar bila dia buat silap, esok lusa kita yang akan berlari memahukan dia untuk kita walau sebenarnya layaknya kita bukan itu.
Akhirnya, yang usaha itu kita, yang merayu untuk tidak ditinggalkan itu kita, kerana kita sendiri tak mahu tahu apa rasa tanpa dia disisi nanti.
Naifnya wanita, masih lagi mahu percaya walau tahu yang pada bila-bila masa dia boleh pergi walau berapa banyak dia taburkan kita dengan janji.
Sebab kita sayang, sebab kita kasih, sebab kita mahu.
Sebab wanita ni bukan mudah putus asa. Lagi lagi dalam cinta.
Tapi sayang, yang tidak putus asa inilah yang selalu ditinggalkan di putus asakan oleh manusia yang bernama lelaki. Haih.
Ya tuhan,
Semoga nanti-nanti wanita wanita ini diberi lelaki yang mahu dan tahu bahawa dia layak untuk tidak diputus asakan. Dia layak untuk dijuangkan sebagaimana lelaki itu dijuangkan walaupun setelah dia tersilap langkah.
Aamin.
Cukuplah ya? Otak aku letih.
Syafika L.
Kita semua pernah in a relationship kan?
Jangan tipulah. mesti pernah punya.
Zaman sekolah main cop tiang sesama, pastu suka.
Pakai kasut jenama bata sama, terus declare jadi boyfriend girlfriend.
Betul tak?
Tapi tu waktu sekolah lah. Mungkin muda lagi.
Sekarang dah dewasa.
Well, seorang syafika lah yang dah dewasa.
Aku merasakan yang relationship ni adalah sesuatu yang memenatkan.
Don't u think?
Penat sebab kita akan rasa insecure,
Penat sebab possibilities nak gaduh pasal benda kecil tu besar,
Penat sebab mungkin akan kena tipu,
Penat sebab mungkin akan bosan,
Penat sebab last last bercinta bagai nak rak lepastu kena tinggal.
Baca pun penat, kan?
Sebab tu kadang kadang aku sendiri susah nak commit.
Mungkin sebab dah banyak sangat dikecewakan. Mungkin lah.
Berdasarkan pengalaman dan observation aku sendiri,
Setiap hubungan pun, akan ada satu pihak yang rasa dia buat lebih dari satu lagi pihak.
Hey, that's a fact. Tak perlu nak indenial.
Tapi sebenarnya kita silap.
Takde siapa pun buat lebih untuk siapa siapa.
Takde siapa pun tahu had melebih lebih tu macam mana.
Sebab apa kita buat tu sebab kita sayang dan nak orang yang kita sayang happy.
Tu je.
Tapi mungkin kita rasa dia perlu usaha lebih sebab mungkin dia pernah buat silap.
Jadi we expect them to work more towards jadikan relationship ni lebih baik
sebab kita dah penat usaha dan akhirnya kita dikecewakan.
U know what i'm saying ?
It's not good sebenarnya, sebab dia macam revenge dalam expectations when niat kita
nak be in a relationship sendiri pun to be there for them through thick and thin, kan?
Tapi manusia, biasalah. Ada perasaan. Lagi-lagi bila dihancur deraikan tanpa alasan yang kukuh,
mestilah hampa, terkilan, sedih semua.
Lumrah.
Cumanya, kadang-kadang aku fikir, segala sakit yang korang tanggung tu,
akan bagi manis ke nanti?
Janji-janji ditabur saat dia mahu, kau rasa dia akan ingat ke bila-bila dia dah jumpa yang lagi baik?
Percayalah, mahu mana pun kita ingin dikejar bila dia buat silap, esok lusa kita yang akan berlari memahukan dia untuk kita walau sebenarnya layaknya kita bukan itu.
Akhirnya, yang usaha itu kita, yang merayu untuk tidak ditinggalkan itu kita, kerana kita sendiri tak mahu tahu apa rasa tanpa dia disisi nanti.
Naifnya wanita, masih lagi mahu percaya walau tahu yang pada bila-bila masa dia boleh pergi walau berapa banyak dia taburkan kita dengan janji.
Sebab kita sayang, sebab kita kasih, sebab kita mahu.
Sebab wanita ni bukan mudah putus asa. Lagi lagi dalam cinta.
Tapi sayang, yang tidak putus asa inilah yang selalu ditinggalkan di putus asakan oleh manusia yang bernama lelaki. Haih.
Ya tuhan,
Semoga nanti-nanti wanita wanita ini diberi lelaki yang mahu dan tahu bahawa dia layak untuk tidak diputus asakan. Dia layak untuk dijuangkan sebagaimana lelaki itu dijuangkan walaupun setelah dia tersilap langkah.
Aamin.
Cukuplah ya? Otak aku letih.
Syafika L.
Monday, 4 January 2016
i wonder
Bismillah.
Hey. Happy new year everyone.
Any new year resolution for 2016?
mine? same old same old.
nothing that's interesting or new.
but yeah, may Allah ease everything for us.
Anyhow, i was thinking about this lately
Well yesterday to be exact
Nope. last night to be really on point.
why do someone fall for each other?
is it because that's the only choice that they have?
because diorang takut at the end of the day takde siapa nak diorang?
or is it because saja saja je, sebab u have nothing to do at that moment
but dont u think it will hurt
your partner feelings knowing that
this is all are just lies,
they love you with all their hearts
and there you are giving hope to them
and going to destroy it sooner or later
k dah merepek.
malas nak fikir.
maybe i'm just scared
Syafika L.
Hey. Happy new year everyone.
Any new year resolution for 2016?
mine? same old same old.
nothing that's interesting or new.
but yeah, may Allah ease everything for us.
Anyhow, i was thinking about this lately
Well yesterday to be exact
Nope. last night to be really on point.
why do someone fall for each other?
is it because that's the only choice that they have?
because diorang takut at the end of the day takde siapa nak diorang?
or is it because saja saja je, sebab u have nothing to do at that moment
but dont u think it will hurt
your partner feelings knowing that
this is all are just lies,
they love you with all their hearts
and there you are giving hope to them
and going to destroy it sooner or later
k dah merepek.
malas nak fikir.
maybe i'm just scared
Syafika L.
Friday, 25 December 2015
please?
bismillah.
and so today i asked myself
after semua benda yang jadi
masih berbaloi ke for myself to stay?
i am scared
to be hurt again
to be treated as an option
to be just emotionally broken again
i am scared
u promise to stay
but if i give u hard times,
will u still care?
will u still wanna be there?
i wanna grow old with you
tapi itu cukup ke untuk u?
i wanna be there for you through good or bad times
tapi itu cukup ke untuk u?
i just wanna love u with all my heart
tapi itu cukup ke untuk u?
kalau ya,
why do your heart still beats so fast
when you hear her name?
dont go and break me again and again
coz you know, i already am.
oh what a sad life i live in,
Syafika L.
Wednesday, 23 December 2015
Runaway,
Bismillah
The reason why i decided to do my kindda-solo trip to spain was because
i was broken hearted
Although, i broke up with the ex from nov 2013,
i still feel as if there's a missing piece in my life
and i need to do something about it to complete the puzzle
So i decided to travel.
First it was with the friends and family
I choose to run to different countries
surrounded with the people i love
just because i need some fresh air and them, abviously
I'm happy
But when i'm back home,
i still feel disconnected from the world
Lots of things running back and forth inside my mind
And i decided to go out, started to date again and shit.
But that obviously doesnt make me happy
So i decided to do a trip without someone that i can cling to all the time
Just to get out from my comfort zone
Tapi God is great,
He let me met you.
And all of the sudden, life seems a bit too colorful
Until i got scared, i dont know how to handle it
But that makes me happy though
The fact that when ive met you,
I tend to love this travelling thingy a bit more
Just because i feel like there's someone here thats gonna miss me
And going back home with someone who cant wait to see you
Feels like home, get it?
And the next thing we know,
we plan our travel stuff together
and made it happen
That, makes me love travelling a bit more
Travelling are fun, especially with my families and friends
But with you,
it feels different
We did a lot of cool stuff together
And who wouldve thought that
I'm going to enjoy travelling with someone who is the opposite of me
Like TOTALLY different from me
but still, i am in love with travelling even more when im with you
Who wouldve thought that i'm going to enjoy
every bits of my vacations when it involves you in it
We argue,
Laughs and make fun of each other a tad too much
We annoys each other
We love
And we eat like we own the world.
Who wouldve thought that those simple things,
Like walking for almost 45 mins just to find taxi,
or naik public transport yang sempit padat dan bau fishball,
can makes us happy?
Who wouldve thought that im gonna enjoy all of this,
with you?
Syafika L.
The reason why i decided to do my kindda-solo trip to spain was because
i was broken hearted
Although, i broke up with the ex from nov 2013,
i still feel as if there's a missing piece in my life
and i need to do something about it to complete the puzzle
So i decided to travel.
First it was with the friends and family
I choose to run to different countries
surrounded with the people i love
just because i need some fresh air and them, abviously
I'm happy
But when i'm back home,
i still feel disconnected from the world
Lots of things running back and forth inside my mind
And i decided to go out, started to date again and shit.
But that obviously doesnt make me happy
So i decided to do a trip without someone that i can cling to all the time
Just to get out from my comfort zone
Tapi God is great,
He let me met you.
And all of the sudden, life seems a bit too colorful
Until i got scared, i dont know how to handle it
But that makes me happy though
The fact that when ive met you,
I tend to love this travelling thingy a bit more
Just because i feel like there's someone here thats gonna miss me
And going back home with someone who cant wait to see you
Feels like home, get it?
And the next thing we know,
we plan our travel stuff together
and made it happen
That, makes me love travelling a bit more
Travelling are fun, especially with my families and friends
But with you,
it feels different
We did a lot of cool stuff together
And who wouldve thought that
I'm going to enjoy travelling with someone who is the opposite of me
Like TOTALLY different from me
but still, i am in love with travelling even more when im with you
Who wouldve thought that i'm going to enjoy
every bits of my vacations when it involves you in it
We argue,
Laughs and make fun of each other a tad too much
We annoys each other
We love
And we eat like we own the world.
Who wouldve thought that those simple things,
Like walking for almost 45 mins just to find taxi,
or naik public transport yang sempit padat dan bau fishball,
can makes us happy?
Who wouldve thought that im gonna enjoy all of this,
with you?
Syafika L.
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Why?
Bismillah.
As i'm writing this, i was too stressed out studying for exams
so i thought, why not ah kan update blog.
was reading the previous conversation on whatsapp the other day,
and i thought how lucky i am to have someone yang
despite how tired and sleepy he is, will wish me good morning and good night.
Walaupun dah tertidur, and woke up in the middle of the night, if he forgot to wish me good night before he falls asleep,
he will do it that time.
and i remember waking up, seeing those texts, makes me smile.
not a day goes by yang dia tak cakap sayang u.
and i thought, wow, he mustve been sayang me so much, huh? lol.
even time gaduh, and i know he have the urge of saying nasty stuff,
he ended up saying " we both need rest, i sayang u "
and i ended up feeling so... lucky.
those little things makes me loves you more.
thank you.
Syafika L.
As i'm writing this, i was too stressed out studying for exams
so i thought, why not ah kan update blog.
was reading the previous conversation on whatsapp the other day,
and i thought how lucky i am to have someone yang
despite how tired and sleepy he is, will wish me good morning and good night.
Walaupun dah tertidur, and woke up in the middle of the night, if he forgot to wish me good night before he falls asleep,
he will do it that time.
and i remember waking up, seeing those texts, makes me smile.
not a day goes by yang dia tak cakap sayang u.
and i thought, wow, he mustve been sayang me so much, huh? lol.
even time gaduh, and i know he have the urge of saying nasty stuff,
he ended up saying " we both need rest, i sayang u "
and i ended up feeling so... lucky.
those little things makes me loves you more.
thank you.
Syafika L.
Sunday, 6 December 2015
Ups, something went wrong.
Bismillah.
I have to sit for my final tomorrow
But i cant seems to focus on my studies.
Dok baca takaful takaful, last last jadi beautiful
Macam mana? #hambar
Anyhow, as i'm sitting down next to the window inside my room,
sipping some hot milo,
I just feel like i need to write something
So here i am,
writing for me and you.
It's December now.
Funny how fast time flies kan?
And i dont even achieve my 2015 target
which is getting married
Macam mana weyh?
luckily, ada juga orang nak kat saya
mungkin boleh jadi resolusi next year untuk paksa dia datang meminang kan?
Paksa tau, sejenis gelojoh syafika ni. hahaha
Anyhow,
not that i want to brag about my dating life and shit,
but yeah,
ada sejenis perasaan dalam hati yang buat
semua benda ni jadi menakutkan
I dont like some of the conversation ive to went through with people i love
i dont mind people who just dont even care about sensetive issues that i feel
but it does bother me sometimes
Macam kita lalui satu nightmare
yang macam drama
dan ia back to back
so kita jadi takut nak tidur
sebab takut malam tu nightmare tu datang lagi
you feel me?
I dont want to go through what my mom went through before
I just feel like i dont have the strength to go through it
Even talking about it makes me weak,
walaupun its a joke or a sarcasm
apatah lagi kalau ive to go through it in real life
I am so scared
Haih.
Syafika L.
I have to sit for my final tomorrow
But i cant seems to focus on my studies.
Dok baca takaful takaful, last last jadi beautiful
Macam mana? #hambar
Anyhow, as i'm sitting down next to the window inside my room,
sipping some hot milo,
I just feel like i need to write something
So here i am,
writing for me and you.
It's December now.
Funny how fast time flies kan?
And i dont even achieve my 2015 target
which is getting married
Macam mana weyh?
luckily, ada juga orang nak kat saya
mungkin boleh jadi resolusi next year untuk paksa dia datang meminang kan?
Paksa tau, sejenis gelojoh syafika ni. hahaha
Anyhow,
not that i want to brag about my dating life and shit,
but yeah,
ada sejenis perasaan dalam hati yang buat
semua benda ni jadi menakutkan
I dont like some of the conversation ive to went through with people i love
i dont mind people who just dont even care about sensetive issues that i feel
but it does bother me sometimes
Macam kita lalui satu nightmare
yang macam drama
dan ia back to back
so kita jadi takut nak tidur
sebab takut malam tu nightmare tu datang lagi
you feel me?
I dont want to go through what my mom went through before
I just feel like i dont have the strength to go through it
Even talking about it makes me weak,
walaupun its a joke or a sarcasm
apatah lagi kalau ive to go through it in real life
I am so scared
Haih.
Syafika L.
Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Small things
Bismillah.
i just want to write this one down
manalah tahu in case anything happen to me
jadi pelupa ke apa kan
i can read this and smile again
even if its hard for me to recall it
but at least i know i wrote this
and it happened
my boyfriend have OCD
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
which makes him a psycho
kidding. lol.
i know some (many actually) things really annoys him
how i dressed up
how i wear my tudung, my bag
how i just love to throw everything at the back of my car so i can hide em
bla bla bla
you get the idea.
the funny thing is that
although i know that
he's so annoyed by that
because he wants everything to be in order
in place bla bla bla
but
i didnt change
at all
although i know he wants me to
but i didnt
you wanna know why?
because i find it so cute
to have someone that will tarik benang terkeluar dari tudung
just because the tudung punya jahitan was messy
while talking to me
i didnt care about it, but he did
i find it so cute
to have someone that will tolong me betulkan my tali bag
sebab i dont even care kalau tali dia terpeleot ke apa ke
but he did
and he will fix it like thousands time
tapi i will like saja saja biar je tali tu terpeleot sebab
i like it when he fix it haha (kantoi)
and i find it so cute
to have someone to criticize how i look
what i wear and all
although i didnt give a f about it
but he did
and yeah i want him to do that
because at least i know he noticed the small stuff
i remember when i tinggalkan my car at his home
and when i'm back
the car was like super clean
when i open my bonet kereta
everything was well organized
in few boxes
and bags
hahahahaha
sheesh.
having him,
now,
makes me the happiest kid alive
i know this sounds cheesy
but i just want to remember the small things
just because
i love small things
that makes me smile whenever i think of it
ttyl 💋
Syafika L.
i just want to write this one down
manalah tahu in case anything happen to me
jadi pelupa ke apa kan
i can read this and smile again
even if its hard for me to recall it
but at least i know i wrote this
and it happened
my boyfriend have OCD
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
which makes him a psycho
kidding. lol.
i know some (many actually) things really annoys him
how i dressed up
how i wear my tudung, my bag
how i just love to throw everything at the back of my car so i can hide em
bla bla bla
you get the idea.
the funny thing is that
although i know that
he's so annoyed by that
because he wants everything to be in order
in place bla bla bla
but
i didnt change
at all
although i know he wants me to
but i didnt
you wanna know why?
because i find it so cute
to have someone that will tarik benang terkeluar dari tudung
just because the tudung punya jahitan was messy
while talking to me
i didnt care about it, but he did
i find it so cute
to have someone that will tolong me betulkan my tali bag
sebab i dont even care kalau tali dia terpeleot ke apa ke
but he did
and he will fix it like thousands time
tapi i will like saja saja biar je tali tu terpeleot sebab
i like it when he fix it haha (kantoi)
and i find it so cute
to have someone to criticize how i look
what i wear and all
although i didnt give a f about it
but he did
and yeah i want him to do that
because at least i know he noticed the small stuff
i remember when i tinggalkan my car at his home
and when i'm back
the car was like super clean
when i open my bonet kereta
everything was well organized
in few boxes
and bags
hahahahaha
sheesh.
having him,
now,
makes me the happiest kid alive
i know this sounds cheesy
but i just want to remember the small things
just because
i love small things
that makes me smile whenever i think of it
ttyl 💋
Syafika L.
Saturday, 31 October 2015
31/31
Bismillah.
First there was texting.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week,
And then texting, and random calls.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week, still.
And then minimum texting but phone calls.
And then minimum texing, less calls but once in a bluemoon video calls.
And then seeing each other more then three times per week.
And then texting, and no more calls.
And then less and less texting and bla bla bla.
Sustain,
I know it's hard keep the sparks alive
But why don't i feel bored of calling.
or tired of texting
or giving up to drive that far just to see you?
Why do i still feel excited whenever i wanna see u,
even if it's just for a 30 mins lunch time?
But why do i feel like you dont feel that way, anymore?
Yes, sayang, i feel the emotions,
i see the actions,
but it becoming less and less
and i'm scared that those feelings will lost along the way someday.
I see some of my friends who have been together for almost 4years now,
Seeing each other almost everyday,
But everytime he saw her, it's like he's currently seeing her for the first time again and again.
Those eyes, they aren't lying.
Is it that hard to keep the sparks?
Do I have to try harder?
Hello November,
I'm sorry i'm not excited for you
I'm sorry i'm a mess
Please hang in there
Promise i'll be better.
I'm just wondering,
Syafika L.
First there was texting.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week,
And then texting, and random calls.
And then seeing each other once or twice per week, still.
And then minimum texting but phone calls.
And then minimum texing, less calls but once in a bluemoon video calls.
And then seeing each other more then three times per week.
And then texting, and no more calls.
And then less and less texting and bla bla bla.
Sustain,
I know it's hard keep the sparks alive
But why don't i feel bored of calling.
or tired of texting
or giving up to drive that far just to see you?
Why do i still feel excited whenever i wanna see u,
even if it's just for a 30 mins lunch time?
But why do i feel like you dont feel that way, anymore?
Yes, sayang, i feel the emotions,
i see the actions,
but it becoming less and less
and i'm scared that those feelings will lost along the way someday.
I see some of my friends who have been together for almost 4years now,
Seeing each other almost everyday,
But everytime he saw her, it's like he's currently seeing her for the first time again and again.
Those eyes, they aren't lying.
Is it that hard to keep the sparks?
Do I have to try harder?
Hello November,
I'm sorry i'm not excited for you
I'm sorry i'm a mess
Please hang in there
Promise i'll be better.
I'm just wondering,
Syafika L.
Friday, 30 October 2015
Last october.
Bismillah.
Dan hari ini adalah hari terakhir dalam bulan oktober.
Mungkin sebab penghujung oktober dah so semua benda dah berubah.
Mungkin semua manusia jadi manis sebab oktober was my birthday month,
so bila dah nak penghujung ni semua berubah jadi seperti sedia kala.
Atau sebab manusia memang cepat bosan?
Kenapalah Tuhan tak bagi perasaan mudah bosan tu kepada aku?
So aku tak perlu nak rasa macam ni
Tak perlu nak rasa bersungguh sungguh untuk semua perkara
Penat
Entahlah.
Kalau lah Tuhan tu bagi perasaan putus asa dan bosan tu pada seorang yang bernama Syafika
mesti aku tak rasa sucks macam ni sekarang
so aku pun boleh jadi heartless mcm orang lain
Yang layan aku baik hanya sebab Oktober was my birthday month.
Jangan tanya kenapa but yeah,
Syafika lama dah mati.
Bye,
Syafika L.
Dan hari ini adalah hari terakhir dalam bulan oktober.
Mungkin sebab penghujung oktober dah so semua benda dah berubah.
Mungkin semua manusia jadi manis sebab oktober was my birthday month,
so bila dah nak penghujung ni semua berubah jadi seperti sedia kala.
Atau sebab manusia memang cepat bosan?
Kenapalah Tuhan tak bagi perasaan mudah bosan tu kepada aku?
So aku tak perlu nak rasa macam ni
Tak perlu nak rasa bersungguh sungguh untuk semua perkara
Penat
Entahlah.
Kalau lah Tuhan tu bagi perasaan putus asa dan bosan tu pada seorang yang bernama Syafika
mesti aku tak rasa sucks macam ni sekarang
so aku pun boleh jadi heartless mcm orang lain
Yang layan aku baik hanya sebab Oktober was my birthday month.
Jangan tanya kenapa but yeah,
Syafika lama dah mati.
Bye,
Syafika L.
Tuesday, 20 October 2015
Syafika dua enam
Bismillah.
Now where do i start?
I turned 26 on 19th of October 2015, which is yesterday.
Like usual, i dont really like october and my birthday but this year, everything seems so different.
I like october, oh wait, let me rephrase the word,
I LOVE OCTOBER!
Everything seems so perfect for october this year. Yes, still have my ups and downs, but for someone who doesn't really love to celebrate her birthday, i kindda cherish my birthday this year.
Well, on 16th of october, mama dengan kakak datang dari johor untuk buat surprise sebab kan Johor cuti on friday and saturday, and my birthday is on Monday, so diorang buat advance celebration lah kononnya.
It was so nice, semua keluar pakai pyjamas, nyanyi lagu happy birthday and i was so surprised, and terlompat lompat macam orang gila dan peluk mama. Sebab every year pun diorang bagi perfume, so i've told them not perfume this year. Demand kan? But, yeah. kesian diorang beli lepastu i didnt use it because i dont like the smell, so membazir. But still, mestilah simpan, sayang :)
Mama bagi red wedges -_-" dengan note " semoga menjadi lebih wanita selepas ni " , K. Kakak and jiha bagi macam a potrait canvas eh apa ntah nama dia, so boleh lah gantung dalam bilik. Wawa bagi pandora with one cute pendant which suits me, yealah, i didnt wear silver stuff, so mcm dia pandai sebab dia belikan leather strap, so i surely wear punya lah. No picture of the suspects sebab semua pakai baju tidur, sekian. hahaha
My delishyums birthday cake.
So the night before my birthday, which is October 18th, F asked me to go dinner with him. We plan, i mean bukan we lah, he wanted to go to Seoul Garden sebab 50% off for the birthday girl ( coz we're cheapskate like that haha! ) So, okaylah. Layan je lah.
Tapi apa yang menariknya adalah, kitorang dah plan nak makan since 9 years ago. yes, NINE, SEMBILAN TAHUN LEPAS. And this year, just before my birthday, kitorang baru pergi makan sama-sama. now, baru boleh cakap, how fast time flies! OMG!
My handsome cutie patootie b....eef wrap. HAHAHA :P
So sweet, siap buatkan beef wrap lah apa lah. Cair sekejap. So, kitorang makan cepat sebab nak kejar movie which is awesome sebenarnya movie tu tapi sebab seat dia tak comfortable, so dia macam spoil sikit ( ya Tuhan, mohon bersyukurlah sebuah Syafika ni -_-") And i think, F tertidur banyak kali jugak lah maybe because he's too tired sebab ada event dari pagi sampai petang. See, so sweet i cair some more. Cannot lah like this.
And then, we went to Tasik Cyberjaya just to chill and talk sambil ditemani udara jerebu yang krik krik k thanks. hahaha
I was sooooo overdressed that night while he just pakai a simple black t and short pastu selipar sekian terima kasih syafika nak pergi terjun bangunan sekarang. K. Benda tu adalah paling kelakar dan memalukan sekali dan Syafika akan ingat mungkin sampai habis hayat dia ya pasal malam tu. K let's not even talk about it anymore.
It was one of the sweetest birthday night ever, and i kindda like my birthday this year because of it.
So, bila balik tu ingat dah habis lah tekanan jantung pada diri seorang syafika. Rupanya Fara datang dan bawa kek, siap belon dengan lilin ada lagu. Dah lah keluar dari dapur, nasib baik tak kena hempuk dengan kuali. hahaha But it was the sweetest. Oh have i ever tell you that i have the bestest godangg friend in the whole world? Yes, i am.
That over-the-top-shine-bright-like-a-diamond red bag was given by milaf dan belon tu lah yang berdiri cantik je kat meja makan waktu cheq sampai rumah kenkonon surprise lah dari cikpah hahaha
It was indeed a lovely day until one guy call me and cakap dia dari Gdex nak hantar barang. F ada beli barang which dia kata kemeja warna hijau yang dia beli online sebab nak pakai waktu concert Yuna tapi sebab "tersalah tengok information" katanya, baju tu sampai today lah. F selalu kat office so yeah i thought why not send it to my house since i'm always at home kan.
Rupanya....
He send me a bouquet of flowers :)
Tak payah lah cerita apa jadi but i was over the moon at that time okay. Siap whatsapp emosi " kenapa you buat i macam ni? " padahal dapat bunga kot. Syafika seorang emosi berpisah tiada. hahaha
I was so shocked, but happy kindda shocked sampai tak tahu nak react macam mana, i ended up crying. Sebab terharu okay, umur doplohnam baru dapat bunga. Urgh! So emosi. haha
And that was the highlight of my day.
The best thing that ever happened on 19th Oct 2015.
Full stop.
___________________________________________________________________________
Dearest F,
You're one of the best thing that God have given me this year.
You gave me the most meaningful birthday present this year, which is your time,
and your effort to make me happy, makes it even better.
I love how you gave me your long sweet birthday wishes,
and the way you sang that kpop birthday song, man, no one can challenge that. HAHA
Not to forget, that bouquet of flowers and the note , it's beautiful.
I love every bits of it.
Thank you for making me love October this year.
Sayang you, milaff.
___________________________________________________________________________
" To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness " - Robert Brault .
Alhamdulillah.
Lucky girl right here,
Syafika L.
Saturday, 17 October 2015
18/31
Bismillah.
Seorang syafika yang berumur 25tahun 11bulan dan 29 hari adalah
seorang manusia yang tak konsisten
I never thought that final year can be very tiring, dah almost lost count berapa banyak kali
balik kelas emosi nangis atas katil sebab study.
Susahnya.
But, selalunya aku nak sangat cepat habis belajar but with this kindda economy here
in Malaysia nak habis belajar cepat cepat pun, lepastu nak buat apa?
Yes, i have some sort of plans. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.
Dan kalau semua plan tak jadi, i'm gonna withdraw all my savings and travel the world,
malas nak fikir lah.
I was having a conversation with mak the other day,
Me : Do u plan ur future waktu kecik dulu, ma?
Ma : Yes, dari kecil mama memang nak jadi cikgu, nak masuk maktab was my aim at that time.
Me : And everything turned out to be the way you want it?
Ma : yes, minus the divorce.
Me : what if i dont have any plans? What if apa ika rancang tak jadi mcm mana ika nak? What if ika tak boleh bangga kan mama, tak jadi macam apa yang mama dengan ayah nak? What if ika tak boleh jadi a good example untuk adik adik? Ika grad umur ika almost 27, siapa je nak hire ika kerja? i dont have any experience in working industry, i dont have anything to offer, graduating from ipts with average cgpa je, macam mana ika nak hidup?
Ma : You think too much sometimes. Semua orang ada rezeki masing-masing, bezanya macam mana kita usaha. Mama dah happy tengok ika berubah banyak, even ika takut everything tak turn out to be the way you want it to be, just terus plan juga. By doing that, you will know what to do sooner or later. Jangan risau, ika kan suka figure out stuff, you'll figure out your life just like you always do. Worry less, do more. Doa banyak banyak moga Tuhan mudahkan.
Maybe i'm scared sebab dah nak 26 tahun but my life doesnt seems to fall to its places just yet. But yeah, life goes on. The clock is ticking. I just need to figure how to manage my mind and my life.
Messy world ahead.
Seorang syafika yang emosi,
Syafika L.
Seorang syafika yang berumur 25tahun 11bulan dan 29 hari adalah
seorang manusia yang tak konsisten
I never thought that final year can be very tiring, dah almost lost count berapa banyak kali
balik kelas emosi nangis atas katil sebab study.
Susahnya.
But, selalunya aku nak sangat cepat habis belajar but with this kindda economy here
in Malaysia nak habis belajar cepat cepat pun, lepastu nak buat apa?
Yes, i have some sort of plans. Plan A, Plan B, Plan C.
Dan kalau semua plan tak jadi, i'm gonna withdraw all my savings and travel the world,
malas nak fikir lah.
I was having a conversation with mak the other day,
Me : Do u plan ur future waktu kecik dulu, ma?
Ma : Yes, dari kecil mama memang nak jadi cikgu, nak masuk maktab was my aim at that time.
Me : And everything turned out to be the way you want it?
Ma : yes, minus the divorce.
Me : what if i dont have any plans? What if apa ika rancang tak jadi mcm mana ika nak? What if ika tak boleh bangga kan mama, tak jadi macam apa yang mama dengan ayah nak? What if ika tak boleh jadi a good example untuk adik adik? Ika grad umur ika almost 27, siapa je nak hire ika kerja? i dont have any experience in working industry, i dont have anything to offer, graduating from ipts with average cgpa je, macam mana ika nak hidup?
Ma : You think too much sometimes. Semua orang ada rezeki masing-masing, bezanya macam mana kita usaha. Mama dah happy tengok ika berubah banyak, even ika takut everything tak turn out to be the way you want it to be, just terus plan juga. By doing that, you will know what to do sooner or later. Jangan risau, ika kan suka figure out stuff, you'll figure out your life just like you always do. Worry less, do more. Doa banyak banyak moga Tuhan mudahkan.
Maybe i'm scared sebab dah nak 26 tahun but my life doesnt seems to fall to its places just yet. But yeah, life goes on. The clock is ticking. I just need to figure how to manage my mind and my life.
Messy world ahead.
Seorang syafika yang emosi,
Syafika L.
Thursday, 8 October 2015
8/31
Bismillah
Takde masa sangat nak menulis sebab banyak sangat benda nak kena buat
kena baca kena tulis kena drive kena jalan kaki
and the list goes on and on
So kali ni, nak cerita pasal reality, which sometimes can be so much pain in the ass bebeh.
At the age of 26 (well, in a few weeks time) , my skin decided to breaks and
tumbuh segala mak nenek jerawat yang tak boleh dihuraikan dengan kata-kata
Untuk orang yang tak pernah atau tak selalu lah ada skin problem,
benda itu sangat menjengkelkan ye kawan-kawan
Anyhow, i was so stress. Pergi dekat tempat yang selalu facial pun akak tu cakap
" kenapa teruk sangat muka awak ni?"
Balik kampung, mak tegur " apa jadi dengan muka awak?"
Lepastu, rasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik to the point yang nak hold semester ah
sebab malu nak jumpa kawan-kawan.
Pastu rasa tak nak dating dengan pakwe sebab malu lah woi.
Tapi dating jugek walaupun jerawat bermaharajalela, so #overlyattachsyafika blergh.
Ada kata, sebab aku balik dari spain, so cuaca punya transition,
ada kata sebab hormon. Well, horms, why now? Why u do this to me now? why?
Entahlah.
So, for someone yang tak de skin problem sangat, make up was a big no no for me.
Tapi aku tak de masalah pun dengan orang yang pakai make up
Sendiri punya hal lah. Macam orang yang cucuk vitamin C untuk putih, atau bla bla.
Aku tak buat tapi aku takdelah sampai nak ejek orang yang buat
Tu masalah kau, yang rosak nanti badan sendiri.
Straight to the point, lepas muka berjerawat dan scar yang sangat teruk ni
I decided to put some make up on sebab self-esteem jatuh terjelepuk ah bila
orang cakap dengan kau tapi dia dok perati jerawat kat dahi kau
Aku pun try ah cover the shitz dengan bedak and what not just dekat problematic area je
Untuk menyembunyikan ia. But hey, it helps.
Although tak ah hilang, tapi dia dapatlah memalsukan muka buat sementara waktu
dan meningkatkan sikit self-esteem diri
dan mengelakkan kau orang memandang jerawat aku waktu aku bercakap dengan korang
sehingga perasaan di hati macam nak smack down je dahi korang tu
tapi yeah, it helps.
Bukan lah aku kata " sila lah make up kan diri anda dengan tebal untuk naik kan self-esteem"
No.
Semua orang cantik dengan sendirinya, even with or without make up
But hey, a lil make up just to boost ur confidence level wont hurt, no?
Sama macam kau yang dah pakai deodorant, tapi still nak sembur perfume sebotol kan?
Kau nak extra kick supaya confidence level kau naik. Centu ah.
Kesimpulan yang seorang syafika nak buat dari cakap panjang panjang ini adalah,
Buat lah apa pun asalkan korang happy.
Be it with or without make up, asalkan korang jadi diri sendiri tu yang penting, okay?
Jerawat-puff girl,
Syafika L.
Takde masa sangat nak menulis sebab banyak sangat benda nak kena buat
kena baca kena tulis kena drive kena jalan kaki
and the list goes on and on
So kali ni, nak cerita pasal reality, which sometimes can be so much pain in the ass bebeh.
At the age of 26 (well, in a few weeks time) , my skin decided to breaks and
tumbuh segala mak nenek jerawat yang tak boleh dihuraikan dengan kata-kata
Untuk orang yang tak pernah atau tak selalu lah ada skin problem,
benda itu sangat menjengkelkan ye kawan-kawan
Anyhow, i was so stress. Pergi dekat tempat yang selalu facial pun akak tu cakap
" kenapa teruk sangat muka awak ni?"
Balik kampung, mak tegur " apa jadi dengan muka awak?"
Lepastu, rasa nak kurung diri dalam bilik to the point yang nak hold semester ah
sebab malu nak jumpa kawan-kawan.
Pastu rasa tak nak dating dengan pakwe sebab malu lah woi.
Tapi dating jugek walaupun jerawat bermaharajalela, so #overlyattachsyafika blergh.
Ada kata, sebab aku balik dari spain, so cuaca punya transition,
ada kata sebab hormon. Well, horms, why now? Why u do this to me now? why?
Entahlah.
So, for someone yang tak de skin problem sangat, make up was a big no no for me.
Tapi aku tak de masalah pun dengan orang yang pakai make up
Sendiri punya hal lah. Macam orang yang cucuk vitamin C untuk putih, atau bla bla.
Aku tak buat tapi aku takdelah sampai nak ejek orang yang buat
Tu masalah kau, yang rosak nanti badan sendiri.
Straight to the point, lepas muka berjerawat dan scar yang sangat teruk ni
I decided to put some make up on sebab self-esteem jatuh terjelepuk ah bila
orang cakap dengan kau tapi dia dok perati jerawat kat dahi kau
Aku pun try ah cover the shitz dengan bedak and what not just dekat problematic area je
Untuk menyembunyikan ia. But hey, it helps.
Although tak ah hilang, tapi dia dapatlah memalsukan muka buat sementara waktu
dan meningkatkan sikit self-esteem diri
dan mengelakkan kau orang memandang jerawat aku waktu aku bercakap dengan korang
sehingga perasaan di hati macam nak smack down je dahi korang tu
tapi yeah, it helps.
Bukan lah aku kata " sila lah make up kan diri anda dengan tebal untuk naik kan self-esteem"
No.
Semua orang cantik dengan sendirinya, even with or without make up
But hey, a lil make up just to boost ur confidence level wont hurt, no?
Sama macam kau yang dah pakai deodorant, tapi still nak sembur perfume sebotol kan?
Kau nak extra kick supaya confidence level kau naik. Centu ah.
Kesimpulan yang seorang syafika nak buat dari cakap panjang panjang ini adalah,
Buat lah apa pun asalkan korang happy.
Be it with or without make up, asalkan korang jadi diri sendiri tu yang penting, okay?
Jerawat-puff girl,
Syafika L.
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